I
The man next to me is dressed nice but he has a ballcap and radio. He sways with the train, his eyes closed, head nodding and jerking up now and then. I like him; he leaves me alone. There’s a couple two seats ahead. His arm around her shoulder, they speak in hushed tones, tete a tete, head to head. They each listen so intent, each seemingly so cherished. I look down before they catch me, before my eyes tear but too late. I want that, I think to myself. I struggle to recall if I ever had that. Yes, I think, once maybe, when I was complacent and young. Not the tete a tete, not the listening to me, not the gaze in the eyes, but the arm around me maybe. I want more, I sigh, I will have more, I state firmly. And no tears fall. Instead I stretch me eyes; they’re almost dry. I smile sweetly and think of you.

II
You can speak of her to me, you know, of anything really. I do recognize that she is at present a part of you. I am truly an unbiased ear. I could hurt to hear some things, yes. It would hurt more not to be your confidant. To not know your heart would hurt more.

III
It’s a plan, the house, one when I had no other.
I love working on it, I will love working on another.
The degree, it will happen soon.

IV
I want to go to China and to see the coast, the reefs off Japan. Panama, Africa, I stand amazed, I want to go so bad. My god I will miss you and will anticipate your return. Maybe someday we’ll see a place together.

V
Sun warm, water blue and the man’s arms heavy, thwap thwapping at the water then silence as he turns then thwap again, thwap. These things lull me, pleasing as I write, eat my pastrami and watch the workmen up the side of the building. I wanted you there with me beside the water. Wanted to tell you one sure thing. That I am happy “cause of you”, your words spur me on to feel, to write.