I
I almost wish I had passed you by,
Almost.
Heart sore heavy, I was not ready
For this depth of feeling.
And yet,
Needed it to grow. I am
Always growing.

II
Thank you for your words of yesterday
In reply to my inquiries. In quest I seek
To understand where you are so that I,
I can…move forward appropriately.

More questions were there on the tip
Of my tongue gently pondering, more
Frustrated in inarticulate expression,
I could not get what I thought across.
And then you abruptly, stressfully, finally
Got some stuff out and I was glad for it.
This you needed to do.

My confusion had peaked, words said:
Jealousy of competition and desire to keep
Me to yourself; your sir name after my given;
Quieting me at my voicing that we are destined
Not to be. In hindsight these thing should I
Have taken more lightly.

I think I needed someone
Big and strong and handsome
To sweep me off my feet
And it felt like you were it.
Still does rather.

Your words revealed much,
Perhaps some guilt of me,
Perhaps some pressure I
Never intended to apply yet in which my
Aggression spoke volumes.
You know what I want in a way yet
I wanted to say suited
In temperament well, I’d like
Simply the chance to see
Not move you from her to me.
Chance then eventually, who knows.

Things to get through, it sounds
You have a lot of re-evaluating
Within your transition to do and we
In two separate places “right now” reside.

Call me your friend
And speak to me as
You need and in frank
And earnest terms.
Call me your flight
Of fancy truly and touch
Me gently, sweet.
Confide in me, find solace
For I am Sanctuary, always
Have been, always will be.

My inclination
To withdraw is beat
Down by my need
To in simplicity
Exist and be. These
Are my needs.

If I seem less…
Pursuant of you,
It is simply that
In the quietude
Of my mind my soul
Leans back, breathes deep,
Accepts this my place
In your life for now
And yours in mine.

III
Step back, gaze in,
Uncomplicate things,
Simply breathe deep,
Enjoy. This is how
The soft happy Peach
Grows her branches high,
Her roots deep and stays
True to herself.

I
“When you comin’ home son”
“I don’t when…but we’ll get together then,
Dad, you know we’ll have a good time then…”

Life is fragile,
Future unknown,
There is only there here
And the now.

Take this week
For in the next
I will come for you
With my needs gently
And surely.

II
I want to hear the excitement in your voice
About the places you are looking and offer
Thoughts sweetly encouraging:
My mind ruling – come to me when ready.
My heart melting – come to me already.

III
Though the words don’t come I trust
Them there at the back of your mind.
Now you know…I will ask for them
When I need their affect on my heart
Beating fast as I once told you,
Flattery will get you everywhere,
And I only accept it from you – no other.

IV
Outwardly serene, my soul twists
In aquatic acrobatics, diving deep and free.
I envision the ultimate freedom being
The union of two individually strong
And I am excited, wanting to explore.

Tonight the moon was full
And thought provoked thought.
It is bliss to know what I need,
Togetherness in feeding passion,
Individuality of self, yet
The dynamics never known, I am
Curious of their workings.

Goals adjusted, confirmed even some,
Set aside, necessity no long required.
I look on you and think,
This could actually work given
Patience and understanding,
Communication. Communication,
You need to tell me that you want it too.

The need to spoil is great, to take
Care of you, yet I would never take
Away your hard work and earnest by
Setting your needs before mine.

You may need some time to think,
To be sure as I am sure and
Your distance is felt sharply though
It’s all good. I know what I want,
To move forward swiftly in my
Surety of you.

The true hart comes
In faith I trust.

I
For once I know not what to do.
Confused I will continue
To spoil you, to give gifts
Of words and insight, asking
Questions, to be me and give
You what I need.

II
There’s a feral girl called Unworthy,
Your absence feeds her though I beat her down.
She is old for a girl and well fed from youth.

Though of moderate means, she was
Fed and clothed, but of love and affection starved.
She is the over thinker, rationalizing fears,
Attention (like gifts) unknown.

Then there is Peach, newly born,
Sometimes still taking steps on coltish legs,
Wide-eyed in wonder of the world and you,
Of her beauty and worth formed recently.

Blushing and allowing the flattery
Unprecedented, she sits back and smiles knowing all
Is good and well and things will come
To her heart and faith if she trusts.

III
These goals when goals where
Lacking seem empty without substance.

I want what is best for you
Even at the breaking of
My own heart.

If I could take all the hurt
In to me I would save you
Any bittersweet and learning.

In you I find all my ideals.
I have stated my intentions
Toward you and it scares the shit
Outta me to be this close,
So close and yet so far away.
I stand firm.

I feel I should give you time
But I don’t want to, I’m sorry.
I love me like no other and find
You worthy of me.

Comes the true hart
In faith I trust.

In independence and
Individuality I hold value
Yet stand I ready to let
The consumption of me
Proceed.

And though impatience
Holds court, she is oddly
Happy holding herself
In the shadows willing
To let nature freely
Come clean slowly.
But she will spring
Given the chance.

French clay soft,
Scent pleasing.
I add the water
Dabbing lightly,
Finger spreading
Coolness on morning
Flesh now tight.
I pull
The petal from
It’s bloom.
Peach rose soft
On soft happy peach
Even softer
As I think of you.

I
Take words as thoughts
Still in the forming, some
Never needing
To reach completion.
Thank you patience
While I voice these
And let them drop
By the wayside.

II
In me there is the right thing
To such a degree you cannot imagine.
I guess you could say
It was a bad day,
But really, I did not feel well last week,
Which made me think too deep
And the right thing crept forward
Oozing out pores in reticence.

III
Breaking trust with myself once,
Never, never again, so I called you back.
And it all seems irrelevant now
(Cause the world turned sadly for
it is sad when relationships end.)
Though things can flow naturally now and
We can at least see how things go.

IV
In god all I had asked was Chance
For in you I saw pallas
(the spear of) Fate, Kismet kissing
Cupid lightly, though Karma lay
Off kilter, laying in the grass breathing
Deep the rich scent of moist soil turned
Gently with tapered fingers, smiling
With her heart, happy and in no rush.

V
Yesterday day was a good day
Of busy little thing outdoors.
Plants potted, watered,
Front porch swept,
Garage swept, now dirty again
Side yard patrolled.
Played pick-up-sticks
So many and the trees
Noticed in need of a bit
Of pruning, of care.

Front lawn fed as well as myself.
Grocery store, Smoothie king for vita-rush,
Lowes twice for little things, Petsmart for the
Birds and squirrels and the dogs.
Dishes, vacuum, will vacuum again, the carpet
Freshening while I go about the day.

Hair cut too short – I love it, it feels like me.
(And in the shower much later I thought of you.)

Sat down to check the time,
Found you mobile
I messaged “happy birthday”,
Glad I did for you called me back.

The wind
All about you, and I knowing
You were on the lake before
You said so. And I smiled knowing
No place you would rather be.
Your words that first day.

Of money I spent
You chastising and the words thereafter
Made me blush,
My heart rushing with blood.
You were of course right and trust me,
I want you, need you here
We can think of that later.

And I hope you had
A good time last night with friends,
You need to have fun on your birthday,
Hope you are as happy as I, despite…

Do you know,
I am learning
Little things about you. That
In me there is an urgency yet
You see time differently.
Calling me back later means eventually,
Which oddly doesn’t bother me.
Calling me right back means you will and
That we now have time.