I’m gonna disseminate here for a bit, falling apart after an incredible high. I can still feel that thing looming, beautifully. But I can’t touch it and I weep. Though my sadness may be a sense of loss, that’s not “the thing”, and I cry because my journey has been glorious, but I still cannot attain it. I am so close. The realization I desire still escapes me.
I stepped out of me and it was not altogether uncomfortable, but feeling, wanting, I think I wanna go back, draw tightly into that hard little shell.
Friday, August 22, 2003
I know, Bubba. I need to stop this sadness and get to concentrating on growing that baby. Don't know why the ennui came. Not right now. But I know it took seed too deep for me to handle by myself this time. I am moving forward and there's something there just out of grasp. I can almost taste it.
I have a will of iron thrust through stone. It can only be broken intentionally, through conscious decision. Even sadness, or dispair cannot breach the forge. I am an intentional being.
I will find you again, in the next life, and we will be different people. Passing again, and stopping briefly, and you'll move on as I move past. Over and over, eyes may meet and arms touch briefly, until we are ready, until we learn the purpose of our descent. I almost touched it this time. But still we were over before we really began. Not what I wanted, but seemingly, it feeling right. And the world moves on with purpose, fast. And in stillness I stand, gazing at the passing sky in all it's glory, furiously passing, and I marvel, sighing deep.
And the deep red crush bleeds in swirls, burning in a ring of fire, melting.
Skye Marie, Skye Marie, you were in my mind and in my heart, but never became. Should I name the future child for you.
I have a will of iron thrust through stone. It can only be broken intentionally, through conscious decision. Even sadness, or dispair cannot breach the forge. I am an intentional being.
I will find you again, in the next life, and we will be different people. Passing again, and stopping briefly, and you'll move on as I move past. Over and over, eyes may meet and arms touch briefly, until we are ready, until we learn the purpose of our descent. I almost touched it this time. But still we were over before we really began. Not what I wanted, but seemingly, it feeling right. And the world moves on with purpose, fast. And in stillness I stand, gazing at the passing sky in all it's glory, furiously passing, and I marvel, sighing deep.
And the deep red crush bleeds in swirls, burning in a ring of fire, melting.
Skye Marie, Skye Marie, you were in my mind and in my heart, but never became. Should I name the future child for you.
Thursday, August 21, 2003
I
Sorrowly bleeds the deep red crush,
Like sadness dripping steadily,
Upward into pools of broken midnight.
All the while regret is lost in sweetness.
II
I almost regret
Friendships.
It’s not the having,
But the losing that hurts
No, the knowing, the laughing,
It’s all good.
It’s just something gone to shadow.
III
Verity walks the still, cold earth, soul burning. Maybe they each got something from the other, something unconditional, indefinable. Something they each required in that time, in that place…just for a bit. Or so I can only hope.
Sorrowly bleeds the deep red crush,
Like sadness dripping steadily,
Upward into pools of broken midnight.
All the while regret is lost in sweetness.
II
I almost regret
Friendships.
It’s not the having,
But the losing that hurts
No, the knowing, the laughing,
It’s all good.
It’s just something gone to shadow.
III
Verity walks the still, cold earth, soul burning. Maybe they each got something from the other, something unconditional, indefinable. Something they each required in that time, in that place…just for a bit. Or so I can only hope.