when life gives you lemons

tuck them away 

in the coolness to covet

admire them on every opening 

reach for them when ready; 

process the guilt

of wasting a minuscule amount 

convincing yourself it’s okay,

“I can’t deal with the seeds anyway” 

with the mess of juicing 

wash rinse repeat

I

I’m always fighting

predicative text now in two

languages as if one weren’t 

enough - Birdie won’t go walk

every day all day patience 

is required here

II

overwhelmed in the quiet 

of a room half lit 

something outside…

my heart breaks 

for her shivering and ears prickled 

inconsolable when I awoke earlier 

to escape any madness 

I can’t pinpoint but no….

I am thwarted and there She is

lost in the unheard 

III

the entire country knows

I have a mouth on me now 

when wild dogs let out

to roam and terrorize 

come at my girl and me

on a perfectly good walk

my tongue cuts the quiet 

and eyes like daggers

scatter anyone near;

once a decade or two 

I am not myself 

wibble-wobble

I’ve grown 

to dislike tomato seeds

gelatinous to the touch to the tongue 

and messy foods

to my eyes unappealing 

to dislike disorder and yet

my bed stays unmade

fur on the floor even after a sweep 

dishes always needing a wash

mind slightly controlled chaos 

Robusta too bitter rips my stomach apart

the crackling of a blackened heart

amidst deep hues burnt red

drags down the bones

the flesh the sinew that connects 

hazed in a cool room mending

sweet-tea cooling beside the bed

not if but when

breathless is the heart

fit to burst 

as my Love grows I know 

she will break me 

as if the Shattering of you

was a mere nuisance 

and now my knees are cold

I

sleeping in summer’s scorching 

months of kicking restless 

flesh too hot for dreaming

light and sound at their slightest 

dazed in waking moments

all night long

II

last night I woke huddled 

in a blanket over cold ears

as She slept close, curled 

in chaos, in fall bedding dug 

into a nest in the night 

I never woke but the  once