whence

spring melts the ice of winter

(I am a winter baby)

March, April showers bring May flowers 

and the remembrance of births and burials

the assist of Angels

I have a list 

longer than a string of days

a very complete list of to-dos

down to the tiniest screw

this list is so filling of hours

I will not complete it - ever

even with the assist

of Angels heavy lifting 

2002

Making decisions for someone else’s living -

second guessing for decades to come. 

In hindsight, it didn’t break me.

It’s broken me every day since. 

It will break me every day to come.

I may not go to heaven…

It took moving half the world away

to understand where I want to die…

someday when I answer the door

to a familiar face in blue jeans 

while old songs I’m a hummin’

I am…weary, bone-cold and tired - have been since I was in nappies

most days in the peripheral I glimpse 

some…thing hovering, silting below the surface

inertia and gravity dragging at my heels 

tugging at all and sundry downwards

still, I pulled …pull..myself onwards through shear will

and gumption, spit and duct tape on the ready to mend 

skinned knees and broken bones 

existing is a chore

a life lived tinged

with a melancholy borne 

into a third child fending 

figuring, flailing observant 

quietly backing

into the white-space warmly