A list of conditions, Tom says, and yes Friday is fine. I’m nervous. I have worked so hard this past year. I still don’t know what the appraisal says, what did the woman think of my house, my home, am I validated as a human being, has my internal turmoil been in vain, all for naught. She was personable enough but left so abruptly with her, ok thank you.

Stop it, Peach, stop it, I say. But old habits of doubt and second guessing die hard. Those are ingrained deep beginning from the womb. I am learning to trust, learning that I am glad I grew myself from scratch, that the world and I don’t quite match, that I love who I am. I am learning that, my god I was a beautiful girl. No one told me and I never thought to ask. No one looked out for me. No one seemed concerned and I just never thought I had the right to ask.

I am still thinking through some things, less now than before, but look back and have no clue who I was, only who I am. The conditions, Tom says he has a list. I smile and can’t wait to see all the things he’ll need.