Death and
Everything else seems irrelevant.
I am smiling today, smiling albeit weakly.
Too much introspection
The down of my system
Mind restless and racing.
I am happy today.

The wind blew through your hair
Touched your collar and your sleeve
I recall your smile
And the brightness in your eyes
The sun on your cheek
And I wonder
Just how long it will be before I forget your face.

I own no pictures of you
Though my memory remains for so long
I own no pictures of you
Time will pass, I will forget.

Steve has left us. He took his life. Left while I've been low and feeling rotten. Left before we had dinner like we were gonna or sang kareoke. Stupid fucker. I just looked up and there you are. Still on my IM list, still under StevieRay like you hate being called and I called you that anyway. Would dinner have saved you?

Perception is everything. Some of us are captives to our own minds, our hearts.

What could be more tortuous for the martyr who would take pain unto themselves, but to consciously hurt another or watch another suffer. It is selfishness the drives us to take it on. We don't want to see you hurt. We give selfishly.

To consciously hurt took great strength to save myself and it like other things, are killing me sweetly.

Sorrow draws its’ deepest breath from
All the others always leaving.
And in my dying days up unto the evening
Of my demise the quiet swelling of soul deep
Sorrowful moods came upon me in the waking hours.
And in slumber I did reside in stillness of shadows
In their ebb and flow, pulsing of shades of gray
Of depths yet unfathomed. I need. I need.
And it aches too deep, yet deeply thus I dreamed.

On the twenty-sixth I wrote moresly:

In the white space
I reside
Staring dimly past
Hearts divide.
And anger would imply
I care much more than I do.

God is paltry in his indecision
And my breast is sore, full, heavy.
I carry my weight oddly
But it is my weight to carry.
Maybe I have tried to breath
Underwater streaming
Too long.