I
Friends call, men ask her out
She declines soft and weary
From the day of giving.
Though they are nice enough
It is him she hungers after.

She wants to spoil
With words and laughter,
Adoration and the infatuation
Of those first few weeks that is still
And restless inside her.

Worn in body and spirit and mind,
Soul stirring and in need
Of a feeding of salty flesh
She gains composure and steps lightly
Purposefully back from feeling intrusive.

Antithetical are her instincts
To both flee from and reach for
The ache and the solace that is him.

II
Time is what you need I feel
To yourself to think and do.
If in err please pray tell come
For here I am for you.

And in secret wish
I hope you miss
Me as the brightness
Of your day.

III
Strength waivers without support
And if you cannot be therefore
It must truly and solely
Be found in me and perhaps
In conversation with others.

Tell me I'm wrong but this
Is the best I can suppose.

I
With eyes soft and gentle caring,
And tenderness swelling
(wish you could have seen),
The word slipped out truly.
You knew of them, I knew of them.
They are ultimate and free
Like none you will ever know.
That in the sweetest future I fear
Like none I will ever know.
I gave them anyway, they are yours.
Take them for what they are – simple.

Friendship given in earnest,
I know full well the chance I take in giving;
Of losing the chance at Fate,
And never moving past and into more.
But this I want of late; to see
You simply grow and understand, living
And being happy, knowing who you are.

II
I take each day on the breathe of mornings
Cool and sweet. Life brings me challenges
Hard to meet. I laugh, shake my head.

III
Delve deep for truth, give it to me
Like the sweetest scents. In honesty
I believe and it’s why in you I hold my trust.

IV
How to proceed – or do I – elsewhere not with you.
That is the quandary I now face. I want no decision soon.

Life
Is just that hard
And it seems the more I try
The worse
Things get.
I want
To
Retreat from everyone,
Everything,
In solitude reside
Away from
Anyone
Demanding
Anything
From me,
Curl up
Fetal.

And
I don’t know
How to move
Forward.
So I go where
Each day takes me.

I still believe
Hope
That someone I can love
Will also love me truly
And in passion and happiness

In response to stimuli,
Inside me, there is a seed
It’s cold and dark and chilling
And I touch it when I have to
To save myself...to survive
To push others away. And yet
I cannot find it lately.

I write in the fuzzy haze of a fever forming and exhaustion from the week so busy. The thoughts are many and more than I can keep contained. So much to do an I think ideally that it would be so much easier for two. But it wasn’t and the extent of that broke me after a while. I believe we are none of us, static beings, so I stretched and pushed and evolved. Each of us possess a core. I stabilized mine until it was full up and firm. Now, its’ balance holding me, it pushes out in a radiating hum with the identity of self and though life is hard right now, I am happy.