I bent, doubled in the agony of despair.
And in the pain of tears streaming,
I could not breath for the silent wailing.
And the tightness, fullness pulling at the air.

I knew fear with the utmost of intimacy
of “a life consumed by slow decay”.

The highway stretched in long lines, light strung endlessly and my mind began to drift into the smell, the touch, the taste of skin and I was alone and sure of lack of want. Not lack of desire, it is always in me, but lack of trigger and effect. Mind stretches full, tugging at the heart and that relationship to body is soul.

I once walked the land, the buffalo grazing, I once came undone in such desire; each the embodiment of self, each the brilliance shining. I was happy then and now suddenly, the recollection manifests in forms taking shape. It is not peace, but serenity, bliss. And his words misled me. I move past knowing that possibility may not be recaptured, but another one opened with the others demise.

Words fail to capture the essence of feeling, but linger in thoughts reworded time and time again until they became me. Only with my body can I express the nature of some things.

I miss you, Bubba. I could not be me without having known you. C and Kumo...them either. It is amazing how we each formed, endeavored, persevered and knew joy. Watch over me and smile.

Oh shit oh shit, I am happy with just me, knowing the future is out there in all it's infinite possibilities. I move forward still, all my breath, wide-eyed, smiling broadly, never stopping, moving on and past.

Hey busy bee, how you been?
Why no call?
I thought we had just started
To scratch
The surface of something nice
That coulda
Been something better or
Could justa been what it was.
Oh well, you made me smile.

Stepped out this evening and I
Breathed deep the cool damp earth and my
Heart beat loud, a fullness in my ears.
And I fell into a cool groove unlike any other,
I had stepped outside myself and outside time
To reflect and smile.

That’s all and in the comfort of being, I know I live free, a wildness in my heart.

I am the duel-edged blade, loving deeply and yet
Hate is not its antithesis, but apathy and coldness.
I recognize and embrace it as a part of me, but
Let’s hope I never touch its source.

I held myself apart. Reserved, I blushed in coy smiles, why? Why that's not me. Perhaps his timidity startled me, so stark against my sensual need, and there was a sweetness to him I wanted to touch enough to compromise. But speaking not and falling by the way, not good, not for me.

Speak to me in truth and I will reply in thoughtful repose and calm demeaner. I am like no other you will encounter, I was not meant to live in this world.

Martin? Naw baby, no one's giving me flack, I just have a wicked southern mouth that manifests when I flirt and cuss.

I love my southern voice and the curve of my breast, still high in form, the curve of my hip, smooth, subtle, stretching in to long lines of thin legs. I am not that girl drug through the years. That ugly girl made of weakness and fear, whose depths seemingly could not be surpassed. Ah, but she endeavored and molten golden into peach toned hughs, she is in me, humbled and belly full, content to rest.

Open your mind, your heart
Your eyes do they see?
I am not this shell
But depths of oceans
And expanse of skies.
I open unto me and
Verily I say unto thee
Sleep not on the razor's edge
But within your souls embrace
And you will be wild and free.

It's fucking fiction, man, get over it. And yes, "big-ass" is an adjective and "fuck all y'all" is syntactically correct.

I smile faced flushed. Slow down girl
Says I,
Let
It happen, don’t push don’t rush. In your
Eagerness,
You may fall too hard again or push away
And your heart is already
Bruised.

Think of the solace you find now though you
Want
More often.
That other girl was not where you
Need to be.

Yes I know you know what you want and it
Kills
You not to move forward with all your breath and
Desire.
To find out and move on if not. Just be you,
This could be sweet if you let it. Or this could be
Nothing
But a warm day full of cool breezes and face
to the sun, it passes but has made you smile.