risk and return

Mike
“Cancer” he said, and I thought, “oh damn”.
All after having just been asked how I do it,
in the face of all, how I stay so upbeat.
I shoulda seen the topic would turn,
already knew I’d ask, “is your dad ok”?

Robert
Just like then, just like when…
you know…I told you to go…
I grew still and that little girl
awoke…

Steve
Can’t change the course I lead,

Yet to my strength of will
let another never pass.
that I cave to compassion,
let my heart grow at last

and give the way you need.

je suis du peche

I am not the elegance
but on occasion.
I am not that big-eyed
innocent ever.

Neither jealousy nor
games would I give.
Neither fame nor
fortune would you gain.

I am bits of this and
mostly that.
I am no more, no less
than I can be.

And though I wish
I were what you need,
there is no way cause
I am only me…

Ain't no seein', only knowin'.
As sure as you were you'd skin me
is as sure I am things will drift away.

Sadly this night I sleep
only to awake on the morrow
with nothing to keep
save memories of voices,
one sweet kiss and
the wonderings of what
if and things I may have missed.

Restless in the shadow soft meat bruised wet,
odd thoughts set aside for the calming verve.
I am coming anyway me thinks for I am brave
and want to see…that much I deserve.

Hardness tries, her weary eyes beg and plead but no.
Instead I took the other path, the one I've never known.
What other way could my conscience ever play when
I call thee my own…dear friend.

"Was the simple chance to see too much to ask?"
But her god turned a deaf ear as always in the past...

Too much a comin’ too fast to hold. Devastation,
cheapness, all my wherewithal punched in the gut.

Get the to a nunnery darling girl, mayhap
You’ll find one to accept you sight unseen and blind.

baby crush

He thinks I’m cool and calm and sure
bounding forth like a pup on a treat.
But look a little further in my sweet

for I am that girl drug through the days,
dazed and wondering in the white space
awhirl, afraid here’s one more
I’ll never be quite good enough for.

And in the next breathe...

I had not planned...

Today seems too sweet,
cool breezes kissing cheeks.
All I am is the tripping of words,
the use of hands, eyes gazing
through windows of the sun and soul.

In my new place I wander,
wonder would it have seemed
as right as ever once I had deemed
if that one day in July
my mind had not been clearing
solidifying purpose, had not looked,
taken on a deeper notice of
cursory curiosity already astir.

Restless though I walk about
something heavy setting in
preemptive where I cannot,
will not let it lie for months
in time for I had not planned…

I had not planned…