October 23, 2007 - Tuesday
speachless in the face of madness
speachless in the face of madness
she keeps searching for a song
a phrase to encapsulate...
this thing where her own words fall short
October 20, 2007 - Saturday
Valhalla seeks Ragnorok near the sea
Of a chivalric nature, one slim hand goes to the Vorpal blade sitting low on her hip. She is ready for the snicker-snack.
"Ragnorok!" she attempts to bellow but belays a soft, sweet voice that warms his soon November heart. The land shivers at her promise.
And Ragnorok is struck by the fire about her very being, the shimmer of a once thought dead craving. Too long has he dwelt in the construct and confines of man, tamed, broken.
"She will slay me," he whispers "she will have me as she wills."
Valhalla stands firm on the little hill left when the moat was dug and looks past his walls, out to sea and in deep consternation. Turns quick back to him.
"Ragnorok!" I will free you.
October 18, 2007 - Thursday
the Zipper
Couple years ago at Oktoberfest we were all supposed to meet up but I couldn't find my friends. The celly-thing wasn't getting reception; no call in, no call out, no messages.
Resourceful blonde-gone-red chick that I am, I proceed to find beer and sausage – on a stick. For those of you that don't know, half a beer makes me tipsy. So roughly two and half beers in a commemorative glass mug…and I was entertainment for those passing by. You'd think they'd never seen a drunk chick trying to get a 12-inch sausage in her mouth.
Now I looooooooooooooooove me some carnie rides, so what does any self respected drunk do?
AWAY, BATMAN!
The Zipper…dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…
Carnies don't always have the Zipper and it's my favorite ride. (Shut up you guys…) so I was almost pee-in-my-pants happy.
Alone
in the middle of the basket
hanging on to both sides
whoopin' and a hollerin'
and I look over as always
and find
holes where screws go.
I swear there's only one Zipper
in the whole goddamn world…
whoooooooooooooooh!
yeeeeeeeeeeeee-hawwwwwww
come on babyyyyyyyy
and I was laughin' wild
until dizzy, the basket opened and
and the carnie fella says
"wanna go again?"
and I says "hells yeah!"
and in steps a boy…
his friends just in from Monterey
don't ride rides, he says,
and flips his wrist…
so Migeulito and I rode rides
all night, laughed, drunk…
and the Zipper?
May my life always be
that wild ride.
spacecadet log - stardate gazillion-01
pressure in main cabin is nominal. patched a hole with trident and duct tape. seems to be holding. note to self; watermelon works best.
the days are blurring. sleep patterns are off. bored with porn. must be a flu. Feisty Boy Elektra Two; The Fu Manchu Series is sick as well. his scales are gray.
four years since evolving. still in bright shiny limbo. wants the bright shiny.
tomorrow experimenting with paste. minty.
she awakes at four a.m.
four a.m. again
there's grit in her eyes and
she feels like a one night stand
like she's been one
not like she needs one
only that doesn't make sense
and she wonders
if the neighbor's smoking pot again
and if it's pulled through the A/C
her mind came away
last week
into a warm soft thrill
snapped her nose right off
the grind
it left her dazed
it's sudden absence
leaves her dazed
she awakes at four a.m.
wondering
why did she go there…
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
it's called crush cause it hurts
she don’t smoke
she don't smoke
but the quite faint scent
of cigarettes and herb
on a man's collar
on his cheek
on his flesh
drives her mad
October 16, 2007 - Tuesday
clinging wet to my calf
water pressure billows
the curtain in
clinging wet to my calf
and I am out of soap
use the tea tree
that sucks the moisture
from my body
but I am a writer now
making things last,
worry, no insurance
and getting by.
in conversation
with my father
he offered to send money
I said let's see, wait
till I get there
and he said aw baby…
he muffles a cough
I muffle a weep
daddy…
all this time
and he never said
he needed a daughter
I never asked
for a father
all those years
but they got me here
here, I am here
now.
what she wants
is this the point where she waits
lets him call?
only brief came the thought
wild heart
beating
off
she forgets
and picks up to dial
she may not know what she wants
but wants to get it
October 15, 2007 - Monday
she takes lovers
My first bit of advice on ending
a marriage poorly; don't. But
sometimes the world skews,
the subconscious knows…
She was
thirty-three.
married sixteen years,
to a man stood third in a short line.
She was not new to men
She was new to herself.
He was,
one tall drink of water,
her first lover,
always ready
six steps before they touched
and swallowed her whole.
October 14, 2007 - Sunday
starlight accross oceans
never let your chi go
your power
never to another
it cheats you both
and death comes too easy
to waste a day.
I have set with death
watched his eyes wide
pleading, accusing,
and he may chase me
through fields of flame
and he may catch me
but not before I trail-
blaze starlight
accross oceans.
the rate at which things burn
four-twenty a.m.
woke up groggy
sometimes admitting to a thing
makes it okay
and this was just
light
laughter.
and suddenly
I am
splintered
sometimes acting on a thing
gets it out of your system
or spurs
an addiction
maybe
I just like
to test
the tensile strength of flesh
to know
the rate at which things burn
and
break
October 12, 2007 - Friday
the will to hold it/was
we burned in fire
that was bright white
but splinter in the limbo
in the distance
in the separation
that feeds you
be assured, it is not the
love that fades
but the will to hold it
to hold you, and the need
my body was made
for man, my heart
for love, my soul to give
my being to consume.
perdu
sometimes, I think
in soft soliloquy
and bad snippets
of French and Japanese;
it is not so much
the word's form as
the specific syllabic
utterance, quand
je suis perdu,
but not that, I meant
to say tread soft
and with deliberation
or tread not at all.
October 9, 2007 - Tuesday
we left things undone
I am suddenly haunted by the past
things left half said
panties drenched
corsets left half laced
a day when I was a girl, young
of fifteen or sixteen, and
a boy that made me curious
my first taste of
sucking on the tongue of rebellion
he was smug
attitude
a broken wing
shipped off to military school
where are you,
we left things undone…
September 22, 2007 - Saturday
time in me
please come, O Yule,
my Januare to sooth,
renew me in faith
this life no longer
spent in recourse
but burst forth will I
on the tundra, plains
and cities in quest;
soon my life soon
will it stretch lean
and languid, soft
of a brave new peace
invest time in me.
September 19, 2007 - Wednesday
the greater power
sweetly you beg
me not to cry
and I am lost in the moment
lost to the world
lost in you
you control the staying
I the leaving
perhaps I weep
for possession
of the greater power
as well as in want of you
life was easier
when I could walk away
without regret
and didn't stay
she don't smoke
but the quite faint scent
of cigarettes and herb
on a man's collar
on his cheek
on his flesh
drives her mad
October 16, 2007 - Tuesday
clinging wet to my calf
water pressure billows
the curtain in
clinging wet to my calf
and I am out of soap
use the tea tree
that sucks the moisture
from my body
but I am a writer now
making things last,
worry, no insurance
and getting by.
in conversation
with my father
he offered to send money
I said let's see, wait
till I get there
and he said aw baby…
he muffles a cough
I muffle a weep
daddy…
all this time
and he never said
he needed a daughter
I never asked
for a father
all those years
but they got me here
here, I am here
now.
what she wants
is this the point where she waits
lets him call?
only brief came the thought
wild heart
beating
off
she forgets
and picks up to dial
she may not know what she wants
but wants to get it
October 15, 2007 - Monday
she takes lovers
My first bit of advice on ending
a marriage poorly; don't. But
sometimes the world skews,
the subconscious knows…
She was
thirty-three.
married sixteen years,
to a man stood third in a short line.
She was not new to men
She was new to herself.
He was,
one tall drink of water,
her first lover,
always ready
six steps before they touched
and swallowed her whole.
October 14, 2007 - Sunday
starlight accross oceans
never let your chi go
your power
never to another
it cheats you both
and death comes too easy
to waste a day.
I have set with death
watched his eyes wide
pleading, accusing,
and he may chase me
through fields of flame
and he may catch me
but not before I trail-
blaze starlight
accross oceans.
the rate at which things burn
four-twenty a.m.
woke up groggy
sometimes admitting to a thing
makes it okay
and this was just
light
laughter.
and suddenly
I am
splintered
sometimes acting on a thing
gets it out of your system
or spurs
an addiction
maybe
I just like
to test
the tensile strength of flesh
to know
the rate at which things burn
and
break
October 12, 2007 - Friday
the will to hold it/was
we burned in fire
that was bright white
but splinter in the limbo
in the distance
in the separation
that feeds you
be assured, it is not the
love that fades
but the will to hold it
to hold you, and the need
my body was made
for man, my heart
for love, my soul to give
my being to consume.
perdu
sometimes, I think
in soft soliloquy
and bad snippets
of French and Japanese;
it is not so much
the word's form as
the specific syllabic
utterance, quand
je suis perdu,
but not that, I meant
to say tread soft
and with deliberation
or tread not at all.
October 9, 2007 - Tuesday
we left things undone
I am suddenly haunted by the past
things left half said
panties drenched
corsets left half laced
a day when I was a girl, young
of fifteen or sixteen, and
a boy that made me curious
my first taste of
sucking on the tongue of rebellion
he was smug
attitude
a broken wing
shipped off to military school
where are you,
we left things undone…
September 22, 2007 - Saturday
time in me
please come, O Yule,
my Januare to sooth,
renew me in faith
this life no longer
spent in recourse
but burst forth will I
on the tundra, plains
and cities in quest;
soon my life soon
will it stretch lean
and languid, soft
of a brave new peace
invest time in me.
September 19, 2007 - Wednesday
the greater power
sweetly you beg
me not to cry
and I am lost in the moment
lost to the world
lost in you
you control the staying
I the leaving
perhaps I weep
for possession
of the greater power
as well as in want of you
life was easier
when I could walk away
without regret
and didn't stay
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
just a girl
faith comes
hard on the heels
of distance
and she
is just a girl
after all
with a little
heart sore
and a thirst
for more
to this moment
In all my life never
did I want, allow need
yet at that first gaze
I would have you.
You, the final catalyst
to break my core/soul,
spark the fire aglow
throw my vows to hell,
to my becoming;
bright eyes and wild
you gasped like a child
in wonder at my mouth
devouring
and I high
on the thrill of finally being
desired
wanted
wanton
free.
Funny how the years
pass and I recall...
you, my lover once
upon a time that led me
to this moment
and to another.
September 7, 2007 - Friday
soured on a life
my husband
remember how we dreamt
dreams
of the land and the sea
no purpose save to live
those dreams
come again
on the tips of a tongue
soured on a life
that would break me
if I were not so
goddamn ornery
and hell-bent
September 6, 2007 - Thursday
look upon bright
fleet of foot
and slight of mind
oh flee thee
never-boy of summer
take this heart
a weary
to the shore
and cast it's ash
to wind;
breathe my bones
let them lodge
in lung, dust
forgive my need
come to me
ever is the silence
frightening
on the morrow
deafening
do I ponder
yet look upon bright
journeyman
this life, oh
it been a long time
coming
and I will walk the valleys
and I will tread the shore
and I will swim the rivers
in search of
transcendence
Valhalla
ever more
ever more…
once we were young
once we were young
my sister
brother
and I
before drugs
before death
divorce and dreams
torn asunder
yet never were there bonds
strong enough
to keep us alive
to ever see us healthy
in the care of one another;
what great expense
life and soul
and how very long
it takes to mend
September 4, 2007 - Tuesday
manna from God
Gonna be one of those years
when food is made for the week
and tea bags get used twice
when chicory instead of coffee
is relished as frivolity
consumed as a food group
and breakfast is a fist full
of vitamins and cheap carbs.
These are lean days in Texas
in the south, in America
when getting by on a dime
is our most frequent dream
and our debt, manna from God.
some things don’t get said aloud
some things
don't get
said aloud
don't get
articulated
are never
written down
but they
are in my heart
on my mind
on my conscience
August 30, 2007 - Thursday
on my writing
sometimes they are not words with meanings, only the syllabic utterance of a string sounds, an affectation of the heart
August 30, 2007 - Thursday
love song for t.c...breathless
crazy-wet
for a boy the taste
of freedom made of lightness
and deep caress that blushes
her bright smooth peach
and leaves her
breathless
August 21, 2007 - Tuesday
i am consumed
I reach for stars
fill my days with it
seek to devour dreams
to exhaustion - okay
that, my friends, beer;
but I hope you know
you are my everything,
you are my love, my
passion, the swelling
of my heart midst
blushed twilight.
August 19, 2007 - Sunday
to know me is to always
I walked the hall one time
about the rooms pacing
head hung low, tilting back
and forth , hand on nape;
love and grief it creeps
through cracks it seeps
and I am far away oft
to the future where I will
never hurt you, the past
where he pleads for life.
My love for you reminds
me of my grief for him;
neither will I ever let go,
both, my life have altered.
To know me is to always
let me hold him, grief
a glistening in my heart
and joy for you ever
on the tip of my tongue.
August 17, 2007 - Friday
but as such, he is free
The old guy asleep in the grass?
I thought about dignity and
how the world once was
what we've become; I cried
not quite mighty, more
in the way of suadade; things
mourned though never realized.
Vagabond he may be,
but as such, he is free.
It rained later that night
brief but fierce.
I wondered if I should
walk the bank, scout the creek
but much like mother and
her fading away
do I really want to know?
August 16, 2007 - Thursday
what we’ve become
There's an old guy asleep in the grass
and I am at once both afraid and ashamed;
my sense of security weighing hard
against concern and charity.
I question my decision to move here.
My decision and yet to admit
I am not infallible, never claimed to be.
My strength and sense of responsibility
derived more from the need to persevere
than any sense of leadership; I cry,
not from lack of knowing what to do
but more for this day and age
that places me in this dilemma
I return to a time and place
when I was barely four and wept
perhaps some seed from past living;
wept for the downfall of man
though I had not words then
now perhaps I can finally claim
I cry for what we've become.
Strange that I was reading Rumi today,
"People of the world don't look
at themselves, and so
they blame one another."
I blame no one, I just cry,
not sure what to do.
July 25, 2007 - Wednesday
shameless my lust for you
this morn I dressed
with care; black lace
under a black dress
I had pulled from the back
of barely worn things
slim, deep-cut, snug –
provocative – I cooed
and purred along the way
the image of you in my bed
provoking me to shout
silent, glow smug
all day simpering soft
for anyone and everyone
to know I came away satiated
it was near four
when your plea came
do you know
I adore the way you ask
demand – and I never
saying nay, embracing
shameless my lust for you
we slept little till the alarm
I deep though brief;
you reaching out
in half slumber
to grasp my sex
in your hand madly
getting me off then
a slow fade to slumber
drousily still aroused
I turned to spoon you
pushed up on feathered air
arms devouring you,
lean, tan, young
my mouth relished
your nape, your collar
that valley 'tween
shoulders I so covet,
until you turned on me
hard, demanding
and I took you, let you
July 24, 2007 - Tuesday
what once was darkness, now bright laughter
one
way I suppose would be to
refuse to acknowledge the thing
let it grow restless and move away
this from
a Japanese flick I thought profound,
called "life taste good"
notice the odd vernacular
another,
way of dealing is that
once I find the source
I can manage it
this from one of the
things I seek to understand
he is beautiful, bright, and distant
in his unsurity
notice…I make up words when
I can think of no other to suit
more likely,
I will ponder the issue
think of all options open to me
beat it to a bloody pulp
and own it
or as slang goes, p-owned
(I still don't think I quite get this
but the accompanied pictures
always make me laugh)
this from me
from inside what once
was darkness, now bright
laughter.
notice how my last thought
came unstructured
the order askew
or did you notice
was it really that off
and is it all in my head anyway
July 23, 2007 - Monday
my hours with things
I fill my days, my weeks
my hours with things
to do and thoughts of you
I am becoming
accomplished.
In your distance I gaze
wistful for what was
mouth a stir for flesh
heart sick for words
but feel my attentions
my utter truths
cloying and clinging –
I do not like this feeling
and must retire from it.
I am not gone
nor want to be
I am of course yours
as ever I was
as ever I am or will
but if your freedom
is good part my adoration
so be it truth that you are here
as much as ever you will be
if so you decide...
if you so decide
but damn
you are a stubborn beast
and I no longer master
of my heart but slave
seeking to control the bleed.
mommy dearest
Mother hasn't stalked me
in over a fortnight four.
Should I worry there's a body
to which I will need to tend
and burry? Should I give her
what she was after all along:
someone to take care of her
regardless of her greed?
July 23, 2007 - Monday
the absence of breath
living;
is it the high-lows
or the absence of breath?
Surely to which, the other
is the surviving...
July 16, 2007 - Monday
energy from air
Having lost the argument
with the man of science
as I sometimes must,
I now emerge
from a drugged out stupor
still pink-cheeked, fevered
and drawing energy from air;
face toward the burning sun
inner peace profound
I cannot be swayed
from my course
not now that I am found.
Yet still there is a quiet
where sadness weeps;
she is my soul a wander
an ache of hunger, thirst
and need that echoes
off the coming silence,
on deaf ears her pity pleas.
faith comes
hard on the heels
of distance
and she
is just a girl
after all
with a little
heart sore
and a thirst
for more
to this moment
In all my life never
did I want, allow need
yet at that first gaze
I would have you.
You, the final catalyst
to break my core/soul,
spark the fire aglow
throw my vows to hell,
to my becoming;
bright eyes and wild
you gasped like a child
in wonder at my mouth
devouring
and I high
on the thrill of finally being
desired
wanted
wanton
free.
Funny how the years
pass and I recall...
you, my lover once
upon a time that led me
to this moment
and to another.
September 7, 2007 - Friday
soured on a life
my husband
remember how we dreamt
dreams
of the land and the sea
no purpose save to live
those dreams
come again
on the tips of a tongue
soured on a life
that would break me
if I were not so
goddamn ornery
and hell-bent
September 6, 2007 - Thursday
look upon bright
fleet of foot
and slight of mind
oh flee thee
never-boy of summer
take this heart
a weary
to the shore
and cast it's ash
to wind;
breathe my bones
let them lodge
in lung, dust
forgive my need
come to me
ever is the silence
frightening
on the morrow
deafening
do I ponder
yet look upon bright
journeyman
this life, oh
it been a long time
coming
and I will walk the valleys
and I will tread the shore
and I will swim the rivers
in search of
transcendence
Valhalla
ever more
ever more…
once we were young
once we were young
my sister
brother
and I
before drugs
before death
divorce and dreams
torn asunder
yet never were there bonds
strong enough
to keep us alive
to ever see us healthy
in the care of one another;
what great expense
life and soul
and how very long
it takes to mend
September 4, 2007 - Tuesday
manna from God
Gonna be one of those years
when food is made for the week
and tea bags get used twice
when chicory instead of coffee
is relished as frivolity
consumed as a food group
and breakfast is a fist full
of vitamins and cheap carbs.
These are lean days in Texas
in the south, in America
when getting by on a dime
is our most frequent dream
and our debt, manna from God.
some things don’t get said aloud
some things
don't get
said aloud
don't get
articulated
are never
written down
but they
are in my heart
on my mind
on my conscience
August 30, 2007 - Thursday
on my writing
sometimes they are not words with meanings, only the syllabic utterance of a string sounds, an affectation of the heart
August 30, 2007 - Thursday
love song for t.c...breathless
crazy-wet
for a boy the taste
of freedom made of lightness
and deep caress that blushes
her bright smooth peach
and leaves her
breathless
August 21, 2007 - Tuesday
i am consumed
I reach for stars
fill my days with it
seek to devour dreams
to exhaustion - okay
that, my friends, beer;
but I hope you know
you are my everything,
you are my love, my
passion, the swelling
of my heart midst
blushed twilight.
August 19, 2007 - Sunday
to know me is to always
I walked the hall one time
about the rooms pacing
head hung low, tilting back
and forth , hand on nape;
love and grief it creeps
through cracks it seeps
and I am far away oft
to the future where I will
never hurt you, the past
where he pleads for life.
My love for you reminds
me of my grief for him;
neither will I ever let go,
both, my life have altered.
To know me is to always
let me hold him, grief
a glistening in my heart
and joy for you ever
on the tip of my tongue.
August 17, 2007 - Friday
but as such, he is free
The old guy asleep in the grass?
I thought about dignity and
how the world once was
what we've become; I cried
not quite mighty, more
in the way of suadade; things
mourned though never realized.
Vagabond he may be,
but as such, he is free.
It rained later that night
brief but fierce.
I wondered if I should
walk the bank, scout the creek
but much like mother and
her fading away
do I really want to know?
August 16, 2007 - Thursday
what we’ve become
There's an old guy asleep in the grass
and I am at once both afraid and ashamed;
my sense of security weighing hard
against concern and charity.
I question my decision to move here.
My decision and yet to admit
I am not infallible, never claimed to be.
My strength and sense of responsibility
derived more from the need to persevere
than any sense of leadership; I cry,
not from lack of knowing what to do
but more for this day and age
that places me in this dilemma
I return to a time and place
when I was barely four and wept
perhaps some seed from past living;
wept for the downfall of man
though I had not words then
now perhaps I can finally claim
I cry for what we've become.
Strange that I was reading Rumi today,
"People of the world don't look
at themselves, and so
they blame one another."
I blame no one, I just cry,
not sure what to do.
July 25, 2007 - Wednesday
shameless my lust for you
this morn I dressed
with care; black lace
under a black dress
I had pulled from the back
of barely worn things
slim, deep-cut, snug –
provocative – I cooed
and purred along the way
the image of you in my bed
provoking me to shout
silent, glow smug
all day simpering soft
for anyone and everyone
to know I came away satiated
it was near four
when your plea came
do you know
I adore the way you ask
demand – and I never
saying nay, embracing
shameless my lust for you
we slept little till the alarm
I deep though brief;
you reaching out
in half slumber
to grasp my sex
in your hand madly
getting me off then
a slow fade to slumber
drousily still aroused
I turned to spoon you
pushed up on feathered air
arms devouring you,
lean, tan, young
my mouth relished
your nape, your collar
that valley 'tween
shoulders I so covet,
until you turned on me
hard, demanding
and I took you, let you
July 24, 2007 - Tuesday
what once was darkness, now bright laughter
one
way I suppose would be to
refuse to acknowledge the thing
let it grow restless and move away
this from
a Japanese flick I thought profound,
called "life taste good"
notice the odd vernacular
another,
way of dealing is that
once I find the source
I can manage it
this from one of the
things I seek to understand
he is beautiful, bright, and distant
in his unsurity
notice…I make up words when
I can think of no other to suit
more likely,
I will ponder the issue
think of all options open to me
beat it to a bloody pulp
and own it
or as slang goes, p-owned
(I still don't think I quite get this
but the accompanied pictures
always make me laugh)
this from me
from inside what once
was darkness, now bright
laughter.
notice how my last thought
came unstructured
the order askew
or did you notice
was it really that off
and is it all in my head anyway
July 23, 2007 - Monday
my hours with things
I fill my days, my weeks
my hours with things
to do and thoughts of you
I am becoming
accomplished.
In your distance I gaze
wistful for what was
mouth a stir for flesh
heart sick for words
but feel my attentions
my utter truths
cloying and clinging –
I do not like this feeling
and must retire from it.
I am not gone
nor want to be
I am of course yours
as ever I was
as ever I am or will
but if your freedom
is good part my adoration
so be it truth that you are here
as much as ever you will be
if so you decide...
if you so decide
but damn
you are a stubborn beast
and I no longer master
of my heart but slave
seeking to control the bleed.
mommy dearest
Mother hasn't stalked me
in over a fortnight four.
Should I worry there's a body
to which I will need to tend
and burry? Should I give her
what she was after all along:
someone to take care of her
regardless of her greed?
July 23, 2007 - Monday
the absence of breath
living;
is it the high-lows
or the absence of breath?
Surely to which, the other
is the surviving...
July 16, 2007 - Monday
energy from air
Having lost the argument
with the man of science
as I sometimes must,
I now emerge
from a drugged out stupor
still pink-cheeked, fevered
and drawing energy from air;
face toward the burning sun
inner peace profound
I cannot be swayed
from my course
not now that I am found.
Yet still there is a quiet
where sadness weeps;
she is my soul a wander
an ache of hunger, thirst
and need that echoes
off the coming silence,
on deaf ears her pity pleas.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
lazy day
sought to define
She always seem to be
a step ahead or day late and a dollar short;
one of those girls
that can lure beautiful men into her bed
though never do they tarry long.
They were only crushings anyway, yet once
upon dream she fell
(those golden boys having spoiled her well)
and twilight mixed
with madness kissed her lips and the sun
became the moon.
For a brief beat she knew,
she stepped in time with the world, bathing
in moonshadowed pools.
Then as always she began
restless in the limbo pacing, thirsting
for the object of her affection, of her desire
and sought to define.
July 11, 2007 - Wednesday
a few bits missing
I admit to distraction
even leaning back
letting my head loll
on the pillow listlessly
my mind takes stock
finds a few bits missing
moves on toward
Shakespeare having
fallen on the floor.
She always seem to be
a step ahead or day late and a dollar short;
one of those girls
that can lure beautiful men into her bed
though never do they tarry long.
They were only crushings anyway, yet once
upon dream she fell
(those golden boys having spoiled her well)
and twilight mixed
with madness kissed her lips and the sun
became the moon.
For a brief beat she knew,
she stepped in time with the world, bathing
in moonshadowed pools.
Then as always she began
restless in the limbo pacing, thirsting
for the object of her affection, of her desire
and sought to define.
July 11, 2007 - Wednesday
a few bits missing
I admit to distraction
even leaning back
letting my head loll
on the pillow listlessly
my mind takes stock
finds a few bits missing
moves on toward
Shakespeare having
fallen on the floor.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
june into july, bipolar days and nights of unrest
July 10, 2007 - Tuesday
safety of the shore
Matt says
surviving is not living
I know this
but it's the one thing I trust;
survival
I also know
not all hearts are the same
and mine dips and sways
wants to soar
but wants
the safety of the shore
July 8, 2007 - Sunday
as well she wants
incongruency of action
and words is the heart
at odds yet she waits
in sweetest sorrow
knowing she can live
without him but knowing
as well she wants to stay.
July 5, 2007 - Thursday
somewhere along the line
I didn't mean to be a poet
much less one of love and death
nor did I set out toward
the bearing of my soul.
I wanted to dream in far off lands
and drink the depths
of blue red oceans sent down
in black blue ink.
somewhere along the line
I learned to feel and think
far more than such a small
tender heart should
somewhere along the line
I learned to weep and mourn
somewhere along the line
I learned to love and to live.
note: yes, "bearing"...
if seemingly i cling
Sometimes the world moves
but I cannot move with it
the silence prevents me
and I mourn the coming days.
I am not always whole. Not
the way your love makes me;
and I fear no other will ever
make me feel the same. So
if seemingly I cling, Love,
forgive and kiss my brow
let the worry from me go.
July 2, 2007 - Monday
where words cannot reach
still
in the quiet blushing
slow
sweet
thrusts
enveloped in your arms
I crawled inside
us a tangle
and found
that place
where words
cannot reach
June 20, 2007 - Wednesday
in the learning
each we come
in time our own
to the reconciliation
of need, want
against should
I can hear you
breathing, articulation
in the learning
and beam bright
smiles lit in eyes
pride, proud am I
to be privy
to the growing of you
exquisite, sublime
oh beauteous
lover mine
in turn I grant
thee glimpse
your own of
my own becoming
for you do foster
my soul searching.
what a strange thing to mourn
despair
makes an odd
wailing
moaning
guttural
exhalation
of silence
it twists the hands
and wraps you in a ball
immobile
on the bathroom floor
eyes staring wide
minutes seeming hours
pass
yet no one
ever comes
to claim you
you rise alone
and suddenly
you're a shell
that weeps
in the car
on the way to work
on the way home
in restaurants
when your only solace
is the strength you muster
your endeavorance
to persevere
then one day you awake
and you've lost
your anger
it is as much gone
as the body you've buried
what a strange thing
to mourn
anger
June 18, 2007 - Monday
shine - a poem for t.c.
distance, I
thought
you had gone
thought
you were going
thought
you didn't want me
sent word that I miss you
and you spoke to me soft
and gentle as is your way
and we did part that eve
a promise
that we have the now
and the now we are taking
for a love like this
though future uncertain
should shine
shine
baby
shine
June 15, 2007 - Friday
began to learn to trust
It was a Sunday
when I smiled
and turned
my face toward the heat
static in my ears
as I sat in the sun
of my southern youth
suit wet and trying to dry
deaf by the water
laughing with friends;
there is a first time
for everything.
Last eve my lover
lay beside me
neither of us sleeping much
for each others body
in the bed
as all night
we lay arms and legs
a tangle
softly spooning
gently touching
tossing turning
fresh from the water
he had smiled with his eyes
heart a sparkle
and mouthed words distinct.
It's been ten months since
he became the first
to tempt me
to water
after far too long
ten months since
I began to learn to trust.
June 14, 2007 - Thursday
red clay and dawn
the white man came
tore my earth, my soul
asunder and since
each life I have walked
lost in their way, spoke
in their tongue, all
the while my soul
beats red clay and dawn
June 14, 2007 - Thursday
the piece i need (the peace)
In the long hours of dawn
where the waking cannot find me
and sandmen tug as I turn neat away
Valhalla lulls me with her languid coo
"rest, my warrior queen, too long
have you held to heart the strength
of nations gone to war
and the women left to weep,
set your burden to drift awhile
in ebb and flow along my shore
let me grace you with my limbo
and tread ye not along the moor."
Ever do I search the way
within and find the piece in need.
June 13, 2007 - Wednesday
she - that girl
close to three a.m. – again.
wasn't it wrote – that time before…
seeming always and again, again
in the dreamscape does he come
mayhap more oft he stays
but on this eve he did go.
early morning on the morrow
but he left her in good spirit
and less lost is she – that girl –
who let her lover steel her heart
June 12, 2007 - Tuesday
at thirty-seven going on twelve
Twelve
why twelve?
cause twelve was a good age
an age of innocence
of body
if not soul
before my menses flow
several years before
my hymen broke
it was an age of push and shove
where games were played
on asphalt and merry-go-rounds
though things with me
never came easy
I was still just a girl
just a girl
and the future was out there
it had not finally come
it had not
finally come
a soul that bleeds
that girl that did
that girl that does
that girl she turned neat
face toward flesh
she seeks
a way to stop
the love
the hurt
he is just a man,
my girl,
they are all
just men
and you?
you were graced
with too large a heart
a soul that bleeds
and the capacity
to give
tease the waking
I
That she could burn so late
through the cold yuletide
worries; what will become
of her in the summer heat?
Do suns burn off then dissipate
or like planets will she make
to the old bone yard seeking fate?
I could not know for she am I,
still, at the fire of yuletide dying
mourning embers' glow
softly fading and in my limbo
do I linger, look about
almost meek, "My god!" I cry
Where is my December!"
II
late into the eve
my southern sun does tease
and in my lulling haze
I brush soft
nipples large
and full and pink,
world about me sighing
it stops but brief allowing
her to think.
safety of the shore
Matt says
surviving is not living
I know this
but it's the one thing I trust;
survival
I also know
not all hearts are the same
and mine dips and sways
wants to soar
but wants
the safety of the shore
July 8, 2007 - Sunday
as well she wants
incongruency of action
and words is the heart
at odds yet she waits
in sweetest sorrow
knowing she can live
without him but knowing
as well she wants to stay.
July 5, 2007 - Thursday
somewhere along the line
I didn't mean to be a poet
much less one of love and death
nor did I set out toward
the bearing of my soul.
I wanted to dream in far off lands
and drink the depths
of blue red oceans sent down
in black blue ink.
somewhere along the line
I learned to feel and think
far more than such a small
tender heart should
somewhere along the line
I learned to weep and mourn
somewhere along the line
I learned to love and to live.
note: yes, "bearing"...
if seemingly i cling
Sometimes the world moves
but I cannot move with it
the silence prevents me
and I mourn the coming days.
I am not always whole. Not
the way your love makes me;
and I fear no other will ever
make me feel the same. So
if seemingly I cling, Love,
forgive and kiss my brow
let the worry from me go.
July 2, 2007 - Monday
where words cannot reach
still
in the quiet blushing
slow
sweet
thrusts
enveloped in your arms
I crawled inside
us a tangle
and found
that place
where words
cannot reach
June 20, 2007 - Wednesday
in the learning
each we come
in time our own
to the reconciliation
of need, want
against should
I can hear you
breathing, articulation
in the learning
and beam bright
smiles lit in eyes
pride, proud am I
to be privy
to the growing of you
exquisite, sublime
oh beauteous
lover mine
in turn I grant
thee glimpse
your own of
my own becoming
for you do foster
my soul searching.
what a strange thing to mourn
despair
makes an odd
wailing
moaning
guttural
exhalation
of silence
it twists the hands
and wraps you in a ball
immobile
on the bathroom floor
eyes staring wide
minutes seeming hours
pass
yet no one
ever comes
to claim you
you rise alone
and suddenly
you're a shell
that weeps
in the car
on the way to work
on the way home
in restaurants
when your only solace
is the strength you muster
your endeavorance
to persevere
then one day you awake
and you've lost
your anger
it is as much gone
as the body you've buried
what a strange thing
to mourn
anger
June 18, 2007 - Monday
shine - a poem for t.c.
distance, I
thought
you had gone
thought
you were going
thought
you didn't want me
sent word that I miss you
and you spoke to me soft
and gentle as is your way
and we did part that eve
a promise
that we have the now
and the now we are taking
for a love like this
though future uncertain
should shine
shine
baby
shine
June 15, 2007 - Friday
began to learn to trust
It was a Sunday
when I smiled
and turned
my face toward the heat
static in my ears
as I sat in the sun
of my southern youth
suit wet and trying to dry
deaf by the water
laughing with friends;
there is a first time
for everything.
Last eve my lover
lay beside me
neither of us sleeping much
for each others body
in the bed
as all night
we lay arms and legs
a tangle
softly spooning
gently touching
tossing turning
fresh from the water
he had smiled with his eyes
heart a sparkle
and mouthed words distinct.
It's been ten months since
he became the first
to tempt me
to water
after far too long
ten months since
I began to learn to trust.
June 14, 2007 - Thursday
red clay and dawn
the white man came
tore my earth, my soul
asunder and since
each life I have walked
lost in their way, spoke
in their tongue, all
the while my soul
beats red clay and dawn
June 14, 2007 - Thursday
the piece i need (the peace)
In the long hours of dawn
where the waking cannot find me
and sandmen tug as I turn neat away
Valhalla lulls me with her languid coo
"rest, my warrior queen, too long
have you held to heart the strength
of nations gone to war
and the women left to weep,
set your burden to drift awhile
in ebb and flow along my shore
let me grace you with my limbo
and tread ye not along the moor."
Ever do I search the way
within and find the piece in need.
June 13, 2007 - Wednesday
she - that girl
close to three a.m. – again.
wasn't it wrote – that time before…
seeming always and again, again
in the dreamscape does he come
mayhap more oft he stays
but on this eve he did go.
early morning on the morrow
but he left her in good spirit
and less lost is she – that girl –
who let her lover steel her heart
June 12, 2007 - Tuesday
at thirty-seven going on twelve
Twelve
why twelve?
cause twelve was a good age
an age of innocence
of body
if not soul
before my menses flow
several years before
my hymen broke
it was an age of push and shove
where games were played
on asphalt and merry-go-rounds
though things with me
never came easy
I was still just a girl
just a girl
and the future was out there
it had not finally come
it had not
finally come
a soul that bleeds
that girl that did
that girl that does
that girl she turned neat
face toward flesh
she seeks
a way to stop
the love
the hurt
he is just a man,
my girl,
they are all
just men
and you?
you were graced
with too large a heart
a soul that bleeds
and the capacity
to give
tease the waking
I
That she could burn so late
through the cold yuletide
worries; what will become
of her in the summer heat?
Do suns burn off then dissipate
or like planets will she make
to the old bone yard seeking fate?
I could not know for she am I,
still, at the fire of yuletide dying
mourning embers' glow
softly fading and in my limbo
do I linger, look about
almost meek, "My god!" I cry
Where is my December!"
II
late into the eve
my southern sun does tease
and in my lulling haze
I brush soft
nipples large
and full and pink,
world about me sighing
it stops but brief allowing
her to think.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
June 11, 2007 - Monday
in the next moment
As I lay naked
prostrate to the world
core broken
but on the mend
a new day dawns
and I aspire
to reach, to ascend.
June 10, 2007 - Sunday
in the momemt
in this time and place
there is no morrow
nor no yester eve
there is only madness
and soft soliloquy
June 8, 2007 - Friday
on the otherside
On the otherside
he will greetme
light
an'energy
we will spark
an'trail
hand
an'hand
across the 'verse
leaving comets
in our wake;
my older brother
who is younger
thanI
we willdance
an'make
whole planetsshake.
June 7, 2007 - Thursday
cold flesh blue
in the midst of /madness
I tread
the water /cold
flesh blue like /silence
deep is the unknown
June 3, 2007 - Sunday
streak the unraveling
In the absence of flesh
I may just come undone
and streak the unraveling
about the 'verse
to catch in the wind
on a wayward line,
little heart left to dissipate
and wither on the vine.
mam ate molasses with butter and bread
Every now and then
I'll buy that soft white bread
melt my butter just to soft
drizzle it with molasses
honey, maple or sorghum
then tear my bread
one bite at a time and sop
that goo like gravy
creamy and sweet
let it tease my tongue
all the while wishing
I ever had a youth.
if i blink slow
if I blink slow
will the world change
will I find myself
on the morrow
in a different dream
May 31, 2007 - Thursday
my husband once
last time we spent
so long tete a tete,
we spoke of greed
and selfishness
and how all those years with you
had undone all my goodness
how I finally broke
my core
to regain it
but I was young when we met
my youth had left
(if it had ever come)
my youth had left me
wanting
something
anything
akin to love
affection
attention
I was starved
this time we were at ease
and in friendship
parted gracefully
I would you know
I will always recall you
as my husband once
my husband
May 30, 2007 - Wednesday
radio star
In these last few years
I have discovered
far more about myself
than I wish to know,
far more about others.
Some people hope,
they place hope in me
and I fail them.
I failed my brother
when he fought to live;
I failed my lovers in
not meeting their ideals.
All too often,
when the unknown
becomes known
it loses luster, lacks.
May 29, 2007 - Tuesday
in the love i dreamed
I question
was it the beauty of us
or the beauty of me
as I came and came
and in the love I dreamed
with the leaving
one day
there came a fading away
and I knew
nine months couldn't hold you
but still
I struggle against my will
with the leaving
killed a bee
killed a bee
smashed the blinds all to hell
thought about blowing ten dollars on a whore
but I don't know any
not anymore
in the next moment
As I lay naked
prostrate to the world
core broken
but on the mend
a new day dawns
and I aspire
to reach, to ascend.
June 10, 2007 - Sunday
in the momemt
in this time and place
there is no morrow
nor no yester eve
there is only madness
and soft soliloquy
June 8, 2007 - Friday
on the otherside
On the otherside
he will greetme
light
an'energy
we will spark
an'trail
hand
an'hand
across the 'verse
leaving comets
in our wake;
my older brother
who is younger
thanI
we willdance
an'make
whole planetsshake.
June 7, 2007 - Thursday
cold flesh blue
in the midst of /madness
I tread
the water /cold
flesh blue like /silence
deep is the unknown
June 3, 2007 - Sunday
streak the unraveling
In the absence of flesh
I may just come undone
and streak the unraveling
about the 'verse
to catch in the wind
on a wayward line,
little heart left to dissipate
and wither on the vine.
mam ate molasses with butter and bread
Every now and then
I'll buy that soft white bread
melt my butter just to soft
drizzle it with molasses
honey, maple or sorghum
then tear my bread
one bite at a time and sop
that goo like gravy
creamy and sweet
let it tease my tongue
all the while wishing
I ever had a youth.
if i blink slow
if I blink slow
will the world change
will I find myself
on the morrow
in a different dream
May 31, 2007 - Thursday
my husband once
last time we spent
so long tete a tete,
we spoke of greed
and selfishness
and how all those years with you
had undone all my goodness
how I finally broke
my core
to regain it
but I was young when we met
my youth had left
(if it had ever come)
my youth had left me
wanting
something
anything
akin to love
affection
attention
I was starved
this time we were at ease
and in friendship
parted gracefully
I would you know
I will always recall you
as my husband once
my husband
May 30, 2007 - Wednesday
radio star
In these last few years
I have discovered
far more about myself
than I wish to know,
far more about others.
Some people hope,
they place hope in me
and I fail them.
I failed my brother
when he fought to live;
I failed my lovers in
not meeting their ideals.
All too often,
when the unknown
becomes known
it loses luster, lacks.
May 29, 2007 - Tuesday
in the love i dreamed
I question
was it the beauty of us
or the beauty of me
as I came and came
and in the love I dreamed
with the leaving
one day
there came a fading away
and I knew
nine months couldn't hold you
but still
I struggle against my will
with the leaving
killed a bee
killed a bee
smashed the blinds all to hell
thought about blowing ten dollars on a whore
but I don't know any
not anymore