Wednesday, July 11, 2007

june into july, bipolar days and nights of unrest

July 10, 2007 - Tuesday


safety of the shore

Matt says
surviving is not living

I know this
but it's the one thing I trust;

survival

I also know
not all hearts are the same

and mine dips and sways
wants to soar

but wants
the safety of the shore



July 8, 2007 - Sunday


as well she wants


incongruency of action
and words is the heart
at odds yet she waits
in sweetest sorrow
knowing she can live
without him but knowing
as well she wants to stay.



July 5, 2007 - Thursday


somewhere along the line


I didn't mean to be a poet
much less one of love and death
nor did I set out toward
the bearing of my soul.

I wanted to dream in far off lands
and drink the depths
of blue red oceans sent down
in black blue ink.

somewhere along the line
I learned to feel and think
far more than such a small
tender heart should

somewhere along the line
I learned to weep and mourn

somewhere along the line
I learned to love and to live.


note: yes, "bearing"...



if seemingly i cling

Sometimes the world moves
but I cannot move with it

the silence prevents me
and I mourn the coming days.

I am not always whole. Not
the way your love makes me;

and I fear no other will ever
make me feel the same. So

if seemingly I cling, Love,
forgive and kiss my brow

let the worry from me go.




July 2, 2007 - Monday


where words cannot reach


still
in the quiet blushing
slow
sweet
thrusts
enveloped in your arms

I crawled inside
us a tangle
and found

that place
where words
cannot reach




June 20, 2007 - Wednesday


in the learning


each we come
in time our own
to the reconciliation

of need, want
against should

I can hear you
breathing, articulation
in the learning

and beam bright
smiles lit in eyes

pride, proud am I
to be privy
to the growing of you

exquisite, sublime
oh beauteous
lover mine

in turn I grant
thee glimpse
your own of
my own becoming

for you do foster
my soul searching.



what a strange thing to mourn

despair
makes an odd
wailing
moaning
guttural
exhalation
of silence
it twists the hands
and wraps you in a ball
immobile
on the bathroom floor
eyes staring wide

minutes seeming hours
pass
yet no one
ever comes
to claim you

you rise alone

and suddenly
you're a shell
that weeps
in the car
on the way to work
on the way home
in restaurants


when your only solace
is the strength you muster
your endeavorance
to persevere

then one day you awake
and you've lost
your anger
it is as much gone
as the body you've buried

what a strange thing
to mourn
anger



June 18, 2007 - Monday


shine - a poem for t.c.


distance, I
thought
you had gone
thought
you were going
thought
you didn't want me

sent word that I miss you

and you spoke to me soft
and gentle as is your way
and we did part that eve
a promise

that we have the now
and the now we are taking

for a love like this
though future uncertain
should shine

shine
baby
shine



June 15, 2007 - Friday


began to learn to trust


It was a Sunday
when I smiled
and turned
my face toward the heat


static in my ears
as I sat in the sun
of my southern youth
suit wet and trying to dry
deaf by the water
laughing with friends;

there is a first time
for everything.

Last eve my lover
lay beside me
neither of us sleeping much
for each others body
in the bed
as all night
we lay arms and legs
a tangle
softly spooning
gently touching
tossing turning

fresh from the water
he had smiled with his eyes
heart a sparkle
and mouthed words distinct.

It's been ten months since
he became the first
to tempt me
to water
after far too long

ten months since
I began to learn to trust.



June 14, 2007 - Thursday


red clay and dawn


the white man came
tore my earth, my soul
asunder and since

each life I have walked
lost in their way, spoke
in their tongue, all
the while my soul
beats red clay and dawn


June 14, 2007 - Thursday

the piece i need (the peace)


In the long hours of dawn
where the waking cannot find me
and sandmen tug as I turn neat away

Valhalla lulls me with her languid coo
"rest, my warrior queen, too long
have you held to heart the strength
of nations gone to war
and the women left to weep,

set your burden to drift awhile
in ebb and flow along my shore

let me grace you with my limbo
and tread ye not along the moor."

Ever do I search the way
within and find the piece in need.



June 13, 2007 - Wednesday


she - that girl


close to three a.m. – again.
wasn't it wrote – that time before…

seeming always and again, again
in the dreamscape does he come

mayhap more oft he stays
but on this eve he did go.

early morning on the morrow
but he left her in good spirit

and less lost is she – that girl –
who let her lover steel her heart



June 12, 2007 - Tuesday


at thirty-seven going on twelve


Twelve
why twelve?
cause twelve was a good age
an age of innocence
of body
if not soul
before my menses flow
several years before
my hymen broke

it was an age of push and shove
where games were played
on asphalt and merry-go-rounds

though things with me
never came easy

I was still just a girl

just a girl

and the future was out there
it had not finally come

it had not
finally come


a soul that bleeds

that girl that did
that girl that does
that girl she turned neat

face toward flesh
she seeks
a way to stop
the love
the hurt

he is just a man,
my girl,
they are all

just men

and you?

you were graced
with too large a heart
a soul that bleeds
and the capacity
to give


tease the waking

I

That she could burn so late
through the cold yuletide
worries; what will become
of her in the summer heat?

Do suns burn off then dissipate
or like planets will she make
to the old bone yard seeking fate?

I could not know for she am I,
still, at the fire of yuletide dying
mourning embers' glow
softly fading and in my limbo
do I linger, look about
almost meek, "My god!" I cry
Where is my December!"

II
late into the eve
my southern sun does tease
and in my lulling haze
I brush soft
nipples large
and full and pink,
world about me sighing
it stops but brief allowing
her to think.