I had been subduing
That
Thing
In me
That is beauty
Your touch
Enflamed:
Passion and caring.

And I am sad to lose that.

It is not cute,
It is gut-wrenching and sore heavy
That I have found you.
And you need to be elsewhere
In this time and place
And I am impatient knowing
What I want and not if
It can occur even in time.

“You’re a beauty tucked away in a box”
And the tears fall
On words silently
NO, no, I am pain and sorrow.

I miss my brother.
When I killed him,
His eyes were large
And soulful pleading.

Kill. It is
The denotative sense
Of the word that haunts me
To no end.

I miss the body
In the house.
The one I would talk to.
The one that did not listen.
The one I gave away thinking
I would find one who could.

I would say the morning dawns chill but it is not yet dawn when I arise to let the dogs out. I snuggled deep into the cool summer linens, careful not to move to far away from the warm cocoon of sleep. Slow sluggish thoughts form and the ease in which I awoke fades into a tenseness about the neck. I stop vague, pensive thoughts with another of warm winter flannels; moose and trees, birds in flight. The ones I bought when daddy was down last November helping with the house. I smile. And think of yesterday, the closing on the house, the conversation that ensued. I was excited about my things, you were excited about yours. We are excited for each other and listened intent. I love the way you won’t let me back away even from the gentle need of someone to listen, to share, to communicate and be understood. My needs are simple..

Pressure in the chest.
It is the soul that speaks in soft
Tongues of birds in flight
Pressure in awe of life.

It is a brave new day
Of things that cross my path
And come my way
Yet still is the wrath
That fades to gray.

Never ending is my hope
And passion brought forth.

Blush, blush at the intimacy of it,
How it shines in my eyes,
Trembles in my voice soft
With childish gaiety and fervor.

It’s you she called to share her news.
You own her, you know it,
I hope it pleases you as much as she.
It is killing her not to touch you.

He owns her and eventually he must decide what to do with her.

I
Friends call, men ask her out
She declines soft and weary
From the day of giving.
Though they are nice enough
It is him she hungers after.

She wants to spoil
With words and laughter,
Adoration and the infatuation
Of those first few weeks that is still
And restless inside her.

Worn in body and spirit and mind,
Soul stirring and in need
Of a feeding of salty flesh
She gains composure and steps lightly
Purposefully back from feeling intrusive.

Antithetical are her instincts
To both flee from and reach for
The ache and the solace that is him.

II
Time is what you need I feel
To yourself to think and do.
If in err please pray tell come
For here I am for you.

And in secret wish
I hope you miss
Me as the brightness
Of your day.

III
Strength waivers without support
And if you cannot be therefore
It must truly and solely
Be found in me and perhaps
In conversation with others.

Tell me I'm wrong but this
Is the best I can suppose.

I
With eyes soft and gentle caring,
And tenderness swelling
(wish you could have seen),
The word slipped out truly.
You knew of them, I knew of them.
They are ultimate and free
Like none you will ever know.
That in the sweetest future I fear
Like none I will ever know.
I gave them anyway, they are yours.
Take them for what they are – simple.

Friendship given in earnest,
I know full well the chance I take in giving;
Of losing the chance at Fate,
And never moving past and into more.
But this I want of late; to see
You simply grow and understand, living
And being happy, knowing who you are.

II
I take each day on the breathe of mornings
Cool and sweet. Life brings me challenges
Hard to meet. I laugh, shake my head.

III
Delve deep for truth, give it to me
Like the sweetest scents. In honesty
I believe and it’s why in you I hold my trust.

IV
How to proceed – or do I – elsewhere not with you.
That is the quandary I now face. I want no decision soon.