lingering too long

Slowing in a fast walking crowd, items in a window  caught my eye. Men’s suits, ties, all the things I was always buying for him. Sixteen years of my buying things for him. 

My fingers recalled the textures, my cheek recalled the crisp collar and fresh shaved scent under mild cologne. But those were the early years when he sought me out before we each left for our day, when he would call just to hear my voice.

But the early didn’t last for him like they did for me. And I found myself alone in a life overwhelming, drowning in the day-to-day of work, school, home…Robert…with no lifeline but the one manifest from sheer will. 

Perhaps I lingered too long, but for me, to love is to give, whole and complete. I doubt I’ll give like that again, buy those things for any man, much less linger. 

from the humid air

Noticing plants in crevices amidst the walled streets of Evora, I’m reminded of Texas where the microscopic flora flourished in barren rock amidst a grain of earth, suckling moisture from the humid air.

When a seed lands, it can choose to root or die. 

from one thing to the other

nothing comes easy

the doing or the waiting 

I sit myself still

purposely;

                  desirous 

of a thing palpable 

so close I can almost taste 

slow and sweet

my apartment in Evora; gets 

sun late into the day,

afternoon, evening; it’s 

too warm to sleep; until 

the wee hours, early morn; the

lull of the oscillating fan; makes

waking slow and sweet 

swathed tight

things I thought

precious I kept

in a cubbard shut

in a box wrapped loose

in a drawer dark

infrequently fingers

tracing lines slowly 

Covetously unused 

the years between expanding 

things I thought 

precious I kept

in a corner swathed tight

in a gut soured deep

in a heart caged rattling 

rarely lips-wetted 

Surfacing attempts thwarted 

as a dry throat swallows

everything back into place

imaginary grace

our song wasn’t really 

our relationship 

                 wasn’t 

                 really 

I know you were there 

pictures tell me you

                were

                there    

happy? you Looked in love

an easy thing for a someone sometimes 

but the song was mine

the relationship was what

                I made it

the melting 

                was all me

every hour of imaginary grace

you got all my giving