after weeks of
seeming gluttony
suddenly she's
just not hungry.
a hollow stomach
tells her to eat
while her mind
numbs and
unplans her week.
hollow eyes gaze
heavy lidded
at the birds
the wind, the trees
she mulls over her
dreams, sorting them
like beans, which to
keep, which to toss.
and mourning
seeds never to
nourish, never,
ever to reap.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
today and yesterday
murdered by silence
Imagine
they tell you
you may go deaf
by age thirty-eight
if things progress
as they have
the last four years.
You can learn
to sign. You can’t force
others to learn to sign.
How do you
check out at the store?
Go to school?
Teach?
Imagine
a world of no music
no laughter
no speaking soft
amidst the flesh
of two bodies entwined.
A world of doors
closing in your face,
a world of dreams
murdered by silence.
Friday, July 14, 2006
today is a gift
I had kept the wine
- a half bottle sealed -
to remind me
of the last time.
Looking back,
you knew it, that
it would be the last?
You planned it;
how you touched
complete, sweet
binding my body
to you and how
you let me linger
late into the eve.
You laughed pure
joy when you came
as always seeming
endless as I gazed
on in wonder.
I can still hear your
faint smiling spasms,
a thing of bliss
my deafness
will never erase.
That one night finally
I slept at ease and
morning came so soon.
I reached for more
as always I craved...
but you rose swift.
I thought nothing of it.
You showered long
and I held your cider
ready then watched
as you walked
barefoot across grass
away from me
Crave not your
sweet heart? body?
If life were not
so precious, Ra
I never would have
said hello anyway...
in the first place?
But today is a gift.
and those yesterdays
of you were my heaven.
you would know them
devastation and despair...
you would know them
when the numbness comes
even when never having been
suicidal (even now in the silence)
you would welcome death
open armed like a lover.
Imagine
they tell you
you may go deaf
by age thirty-eight
if things progress
as they have
the last four years.
You can learn
to sign. You can’t force
others to learn to sign.
How do you
check out at the store?
Go to school?
Teach?
Imagine
a world of no music
no laughter
no speaking soft
amidst the flesh
of two bodies entwined.
A world of doors
closing in your face,
a world of dreams
murdered by silence.
Friday, July 14, 2006
today is a gift
I had kept the wine
- a half bottle sealed -
to remind me
of the last time.
Looking back,
you knew it, that
it would be the last?
You planned it;
how you touched
complete, sweet
binding my body
to you and how
you let me linger
late into the eve.
You laughed pure
joy when you came
as always seeming
endless as I gazed
on in wonder.
I can still hear your
faint smiling spasms,
a thing of bliss
my deafness
will never erase.
That one night finally
I slept at ease and
morning came so soon.
I reached for more
as always I craved...
but you rose swift.
I thought nothing of it.
You showered long
and I held your cider
ready then watched
as you walked
barefoot across grass
away from me
Crave not your
sweet heart? body?
If life were not
so precious, Ra
I never would have
said hello anyway...
in the first place?
But today is a gift.
and those yesterdays
of you were my heaven.
you would know them
devastation and despair...
you would know them
when the numbness comes
even when never having been
suicidal (even now in the silence)
you would welcome death
open armed like a lover.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
june and july backlog
Friday, July 14, 2006
something to do
poets at home
on friday nights
not knowing
whether to wack
off or write
or run up for beer
though her wit
is naturally stoned
enough suddenly
options are forgot
and she sleeps.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
thier bliss i brief chanced to kiss
Known I few,
moments of
beauty. And in
those moments
felt I blessed.
Though wondered I
why kept they
could not be, knew I
to hold they were
not mine. Mourn I
their loss not
instead but weep
their bliss I brief
chanced to kiss.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
sake dreams
last night there were
locked doors, locking
me in, half-lifes trying
to break the boundaries
down with faint claw
sounds but when we came
free of the mazed citadel
there was nothing save
mesquitoes on the water
and all about my face
then homespun theatre
where I lost a handsome
man beneath soft waves.
Monday, July 10, 2006
drunk ass poem
sometime sadness seem sweet
to come in thought too deep
walkin' from bar to car;
them big ass words form
on the tip of tongues
mother fucking huge yet never
come to fruition, lost, coming
down from that sake high.
But brief you thought you had
the answer to it all, almost
but atleast it stopped the tears
cause the walk weren't far.
Friday, July 07, 2006
hot sauce on fries or it was the eighties when
It was the eighties when things changed,
when Dallas became money. Till then
most ate they catfish dry, cornmeal fried
with dill in the tartar and hot sauce
on the fries. We used lard on the biscuits,
lard in the gravy, lard saved by the pound
in huge red coffee cans stored beneath the sink.
We cut up chickens once whole,
knife grinding near the bone.
I won't say Texas was white trash poor
but the food was simpler and simple things
were treats to boys and girls allowed to run
and roam the streets on bikes after dusk.
Life itself changed seemingly overnight
but then I was going from nine to ten,
a new decade dawning, drawing me out
and pushing me in, but it was another time,
another place and I was so young then.
I was free, my own company I kept. But
oh the things I learned as a child!
The things I saw! Yet the mountains were
too high. I learned to withdraw.
Still I eat my catfish dry, cornmeal fried
with dill in the tartar, hot sauce on fries,
think on summers gone away
and recall how that girl almost died,
how hard I've fought to keep her alive.
on napping
soft in the summer heat
lulling, lazin' 'bout the day
in and out of dreams
the fan a whir, soft breeze.
redwater and recollection
In visage and heart
divine enough to weep,
he left me knowing
he is just a man.
Left me craving
the frailties of a man.
Left me with memories
sweet, unconditional.
He left me
with the feeling
my life had been graced.
When he left,
he left me standing
strong with Redwater
to recall we touched.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
wall of voodoo - ring of fire
some distinct sounds
I want to burn to my skull
before their boom fades
and I am left a silent hull
doo da doo da doo
dum da da dum dum dum
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
politics, education and dumb-assed-ness
And here it is. I've done my thing by voting but I can't ignore the pull any longer. Immigration, education, insurance reform and more (or lack thereof in any logical manner)...has impassioned me. (Okay it's just damn pissing me off.)
"We" turn against a large population of Americans, we churn out idiocy en mass, we deny people basic medical care. And yet Americans are still afforded the most freedom of any nation, we are the most cared for by our government. I say "afforded" as if it has to be given but in a sense most of the population couldn't make a good decision to save thier lives.
I can't tackle everything and I'm not sure what I can do. Perhaps teaching will be my calling and I can get to the next generation subversively? I don't know.
I do know that I'm restless, as if my passivity in crossing my own t's and dotting my own i's just isn't enough any more. Suddenly I feel responsible for taking care of the goddamn sheeple who can't think and take care of themselves. Or actually I feel the need to kick some asses and wake people the fuck up.
Yeah so my dumb ass is looking at a Masters and Doctorate in Education instead of writing. Funny how goals change huh?
Sunday, July 02, 2006
strange analogy
this may be the last time
I hear the fireworks.
lifeline
all those years falling
down the well
reaching finding
the only lifeline my own
umbilical to father sky
history repeats itself
and my belly is sore
from all the pulling.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
quiet storm
In my constant quiet
there is a gentle storm
though
I cannot hear the thunder
past the deafness but see
the trees against the dusk
of the day fading, restless
then still, the lightening
sets the sky aglow, feel
the rain moist like tears,
breathe deep the damp
rich earth that soothes
lips too parched from years
and in my breast a heart
beating soft and sweet,
that cries quiet tears.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
epiphany
When something silly
hurts you so deep,
I want to tell you
it doesn't matter.
I want to scream
"People are dead
people are DEAD."
But that is my epiphany
and we each must
find our own in time.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
two untitled turtles
I
Reach out to all but me;
leave me flailing in attempts to please
and eventually I will stop
trying and simply fade away at the lack
of care, of recipricocity.
II
Brother mine,
in constant tears
you remind me
of what matters
most in life.
Haunt me lest
I lose site of Love.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
a boy from school
Woke up late, napped early,
arose in sluggish heat; fever.
Why so much fever lately?
My ears been sore maybe
and life kinda messed up,
shook up, but I dreamt
of a boy from school.
Not my circle, not my set.
A strange and erotic dream.
Friday, June 23, 2006
new soul meets old
The baby came long time to visit.
Two weeks old and tiny. Healthy.
Asked where he had been. Intent,
He gazed on me, eyes telling me,
Mouth forming tiny coos, trying.
Where have you been, little boy?
What have you seen? Prithee tell.
I spoke to, told him, yes go on...
Missing Ra
The sweet lightness
of kiss and caress,
how once early on
you dove into my arms,
smile a bright white light
that burned and how
we laughed, how I held
you to my bosom
young and free.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
madness
I could feel him dying,
was awake before
the phone ever rang,
had known that eve
when I left his bedside.
I also knew because
I killed you.
And the other?
Blood across town
flowing from slit wrists
and the calm that came;
the next day I sought
you out, your absence
deafening like all
those years in a bond
remaining unseen,
beat down hard like trash
with words that cut
and hurt so deep.
I was dead
like you two boys
so frail; one of body
the other of spirit,
I had no soul
but in your deaths
I live. I live.
truth in advertising
Those who make
claims to uniquity
usually fall short.
Me?
I been
nothin
special
for a
long
long
time.
Thanos
Thanos came to court in the eve
of slumber,
on the waves of shadow
did I rest
embraced in cool arms, grazed by
cool lips.
but he held me close in love.
I was a child
with an old soul's recollections
and burdens
but knew love when years passed;
and he came
to wed his girl from long ago
and bring me
peace after so much mourning.
How can I say death warms me?
I do not know.
but thoughts of a rendezvous
in the dark turns
my could heart to an ember's glow.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
naked ass
when did a peeing dog
become more offensive,
than a naked ass?
even misconstrued as
"I mark my territory",
is it really as bad as
the insinuation of
showing ones goods
for free to all, fuck anyone
without knowing them?
even misconstrued as
"possessive friendship"
is it really worth less than
the insinuative offering
of porn and booze.
(here are my panties
fling fling fling.)
When did our sense
of propriety get fucked
and when did we lose
the accountability
of our actions?
i was gonna explain this one and it's only half finished...
but fuck it. i'm tired.
of the many loves - kindred spirit
for ~m...
How do I explain your picture on my desk?
In my wallet when I open it to pay? Ladies
coo and preen, "Ooooh your man, he's so"
Nonono no, my friend, my dear friend and
I gaze down distracted, "yes, cute isn't he?"
The lady's eyes, they light knowingly as if
what I get brings her closer to getting you.
Her reply, low and husky, comes out like
a come on, "yes," as she touches her hair,
flirting with you through me. I smile, coy.
How does one explain kindred spirits -
especially in passing, with so few words?
Your picture in my wallet keeps you close,
my little purse clutched tight beneath my arm
so near my heart, as close as any has come.
It keeps you safe, warm and dear as one
who finds me worth the time to comprehend.
So in my daily gaze upon your face I thank
all powers that be that friendship found me
and accepts I can only be who I can be.
just a note: i have never explained my authorial intent on a piece before (i love the ambiguous translation by the reader to thier own needs) but feel it necessary to do so on this one. i want NO misunderstanding of my intent here. in this piece i have ATTEMPTED to IDEALIZE FRIENDSHIP and how most people can't understand pure and simple kindred spirits and the care of one friend for another. i have ATTEMPTED to exemplify how people always have to read more into FRIENDSHIP. (one of the types of love c.s. lewis speaks of). if i have failed miserably in my ATTEMPT to achieve this affect, i appologize to the reader AND to the FRIEND to which i have dedicated the piece.
yours,
~peach
on not being seen
It hurts that I say things
point blank but still
am not believed
as if
I would lie
as if
I know nothing
of my own nature
as if
I'm a stupid, inarticulate girl
with no god-given sense
as if
you are deaf and refuse
to accept me freely but force
me into a preconceived mold
mold
mold
mold
what is mold but rot?
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
the poet
in our temples alone
we worship love;
we evolve our hearts
more ideal than most
we refuse to settle
taking recompense in
solitude, alone we go
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
gone the way of fairy kings
Yes I can
feel it slipping
away.
And with it
the hard earned
sanity
for which I fight
tooth and nail.
I feel it like a
love's caress
gone the way
of fairy kings
into knights of
dreams unrealized.
I feel it like...I
feel it simply
slipping
a
w
a
y
.
Monday, June 19, 2006
the sun and the snow
there’s a place on a snowy beach
where the sun shone soft in the eve;
it was your heart breaking
the clouds and warming hers.
but let the sun shine on the morrow
on another beach of breezes cool
for she wants someone whole
for you to love, not torn asunder.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
high noon
High noon in Texas
surpassed the hottest hell
of purgatory's dreams:
heat enough even to tire
a woman of steel and
I had already been workin'
in the forge all morn
smithin' words when
a demon in high shiny helm
of a roman fool and brass balls
about as big as a pig
stepped into the street.
Sheeple scurried like rats away
to hide behind barrels and barnacles,
torn circus tents flappin'
in the hot dust I called a cool breeze.
Fucker was sweating an
unnatural stench and I couldn't
tell if his eyeballs were sweatin'
too or if he was gonna cry.
Looking at him almost hurt: wide
staring eyes, balls shining green.
He was a green demon couldn't
even stand the heat.
He had come for the wordsmith,
the Peach whose infamy
crossed four lands
He had come
for the demon slayer.
I let my hardened eyes rest
awhile back on my forge, then
tempered the flue. Dirt and
sweat and ink glistened on
arm, legs and back strong willed.
His name was Deafness, this demon
and he was about to be my bitch
and call me daddy...
Let them come, these demons
when they think me weak
for I will beat down each
and every goddamn one.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
scent of a man
there's a scent of a man
that wanders through the rooms
odd days and odd hours.
I breathe deep the ghost
of mankind, watch the desk drawer
ease open quiet while I
write and smile soft at the comfort.
you lift my heart
The light play of words
in a gentle flirt, your
asking of my well being
and our exchanges deep
concern and care; of our
conversations I never tire
but let you go knowing
the next tine will come
soon and you will lift my
heart again and again
my darling, dearest friend
in kindred spirit I've found.
soothing moans through window panes
Gray skies, the girl cardinals come
and music is left palpable on the tongue,
a vague taste I may soon only recall
like whispers of breathe along flesh.
Ah, the wind and trees bend and sway,
soothing moans through window panes.
Mourning, sarcasm, come weigh
my defection; in such demand of now
my god will I crumble beneath
the weight of more attentive loves and
lovers breaking down doors? Oh aye,
sarcasm as my shield but I did warn.
I mourn losses I lose though likely of
fruits I never would have bourn. Yet at
what gate do we give up dreams in
exchange for other tangible dreams?
At what point do I scream never more,
never more? Shut down the factory of
a heart’s desire? This mostly I mourn.
That little girl heart that outgrew her
turtling talent of turning cold, side-
stepping askew in exchange for fluidity.
something to do
poets at home
on friday nights
not knowing
whether to wack
off or write
or run up for beer
though her wit
is naturally stoned
enough suddenly
options are forgot
and she sleeps.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
thier bliss i brief chanced to kiss
Known I few,
moments of
beauty. And in
those moments
felt I blessed.
Though wondered I
why kept they
could not be, knew I
to hold they were
not mine. Mourn I
their loss not
instead but weep
their bliss I brief
chanced to kiss.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
sake dreams
last night there were
locked doors, locking
me in, half-lifes trying
to break the boundaries
down with faint claw
sounds but when we came
free of the mazed citadel
there was nothing save
mesquitoes on the water
and all about my face
then homespun theatre
where I lost a handsome
man beneath soft waves.
Monday, July 10, 2006
drunk ass poem
sometime sadness seem sweet
to come in thought too deep
walkin' from bar to car;
them big ass words form
on the tip of tongues
mother fucking huge yet never
come to fruition, lost, coming
down from that sake high.
But brief you thought you had
the answer to it all, almost
but atleast it stopped the tears
cause the walk weren't far.
Friday, July 07, 2006
hot sauce on fries or it was the eighties when
It was the eighties when things changed,
when Dallas became money. Till then
most ate they catfish dry, cornmeal fried
with dill in the tartar and hot sauce
on the fries. We used lard on the biscuits,
lard in the gravy, lard saved by the pound
in huge red coffee cans stored beneath the sink.
We cut up chickens once whole,
knife grinding near the bone.
I won't say Texas was white trash poor
but the food was simpler and simple things
were treats to boys and girls allowed to run
and roam the streets on bikes after dusk.
Life itself changed seemingly overnight
but then I was going from nine to ten,
a new decade dawning, drawing me out
and pushing me in, but it was another time,
another place and I was so young then.
I was free, my own company I kept. But
oh the things I learned as a child!
The things I saw! Yet the mountains were
too high. I learned to withdraw.
Still I eat my catfish dry, cornmeal fried
with dill in the tartar, hot sauce on fries,
think on summers gone away
and recall how that girl almost died,
how hard I've fought to keep her alive.
on napping
soft in the summer heat
lulling, lazin' 'bout the day
in and out of dreams
the fan a whir, soft breeze.
redwater and recollection
In visage and heart
divine enough to weep,
he left me knowing
he is just a man.
Left me craving
the frailties of a man.
Left me with memories
sweet, unconditional.
He left me
with the feeling
my life had been graced.
When he left,
he left me standing
strong with Redwater
to recall we touched.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
wall of voodoo - ring of fire
some distinct sounds
I want to burn to my skull
before their boom fades
and I am left a silent hull
doo da doo da doo
dum da da dum dum dum
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
politics, education and dumb-assed-ness
And here it is. I've done my thing by voting but I can't ignore the pull any longer. Immigration, education, insurance reform and more (or lack thereof in any logical manner)...has impassioned me. (Okay it's just damn pissing me off.)
"We" turn against a large population of Americans, we churn out idiocy en mass, we deny people basic medical care. And yet Americans are still afforded the most freedom of any nation, we are the most cared for by our government. I say "afforded" as if it has to be given but in a sense most of the population couldn't make a good decision to save thier lives.
I can't tackle everything and I'm not sure what I can do. Perhaps teaching will be my calling and I can get to the next generation subversively? I don't know.
I do know that I'm restless, as if my passivity in crossing my own t's and dotting my own i's just isn't enough any more. Suddenly I feel responsible for taking care of the goddamn sheeple who can't think and take care of themselves. Or actually I feel the need to kick some asses and wake people the fuck up.
Yeah so my dumb ass is looking at a Masters and Doctorate in Education instead of writing. Funny how goals change huh?
Sunday, July 02, 2006
strange analogy
this may be the last time
I hear the fireworks.
lifeline
all those years falling
down the well
reaching finding
the only lifeline my own
umbilical to father sky
history repeats itself
and my belly is sore
from all the pulling.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
quiet storm
In my constant quiet
there is a gentle storm
though
I cannot hear the thunder
past the deafness but see
the trees against the dusk
of the day fading, restless
then still, the lightening
sets the sky aglow, feel
the rain moist like tears,
breathe deep the damp
rich earth that soothes
lips too parched from years
and in my breast a heart
beating soft and sweet,
that cries quiet tears.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
epiphany
When something silly
hurts you so deep,
I want to tell you
it doesn't matter.
I want to scream
"People are dead
people are DEAD."
But that is my epiphany
and we each must
find our own in time.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
two untitled turtles
I
Reach out to all but me;
leave me flailing in attempts to please
and eventually I will stop
trying and simply fade away at the lack
of care, of recipricocity.
II
Brother mine,
in constant tears
you remind me
of what matters
most in life.
Haunt me lest
I lose site of Love.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
a boy from school
Woke up late, napped early,
arose in sluggish heat; fever.
Why so much fever lately?
My ears been sore maybe
and life kinda messed up,
shook up, but I dreamt
of a boy from school.
Not my circle, not my set.
A strange and erotic dream.
Friday, June 23, 2006
new soul meets old
The baby came long time to visit.
Two weeks old and tiny. Healthy.
Asked where he had been. Intent,
He gazed on me, eyes telling me,
Mouth forming tiny coos, trying.
Where have you been, little boy?
What have you seen? Prithee tell.
I spoke to, told him, yes go on...
Missing Ra
The sweet lightness
of kiss and caress,
how once early on
you dove into my arms,
smile a bright white light
that burned and how
we laughed, how I held
you to my bosom
young and free.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
madness
I could feel him dying,
was awake before
the phone ever rang,
had known that eve
when I left his bedside.
I also knew because
I killed you.
And the other?
Blood across town
flowing from slit wrists
and the calm that came;
the next day I sought
you out, your absence
deafening like all
those years in a bond
remaining unseen,
beat down hard like trash
with words that cut
and hurt so deep.
I was dead
like you two boys
so frail; one of body
the other of spirit,
I had no soul
but in your deaths
I live. I live.
truth in advertising
Those who make
claims to uniquity
usually fall short.
Me?
I been
nothin
special
for a
long
long
time.
Thanos
Thanos came to court in the eve
of slumber,
on the waves of shadow
did I rest
embraced in cool arms, grazed by
cool lips.
but he held me close in love.
I was a child
with an old soul's recollections
and burdens
but knew love when years passed;
and he came
to wed his girl from long ago
and bring me
peace after so much mourning.
How can I say death warms me?
I do not know.
but thoughts of a rendezvous
in the dark turns
my could heart to an ember's glow.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
naked ass
when did a peeing dog
become more offensive,
than a naked ass?
even misconstrued as
"I mark my territory",
is it really as bad as
the insinuation of
showing ones goods
for free to all, fuck anyone
without knowing them?
even misconstrued as
"possessive friendship"
is it really worth less than
the insinuative offering
of porn and booze.
(here are my panties
fling fling fling.)
When did our sense
of propriety get fucked
and when did we lose
the accountability
of our actions?
i was gonna explain this one and it's only half finished...
but fuck it. i'm tired.
of the many loves - kindred spirit
for ~m...
How do I explain your picture on my desk?
In my wallet when I open it to pay? Ladies
coo and preen, "Ooooh your man, he's so"
Nonono no, my friend, my dear friend and
I gaze down distracted, "yes, cute isn't he?"
The lady's eyes, they light knowingly as if
what I get brings her closer to getting you.
Her reply, low and husky, comes out like
a come on, "yes," as she touches her hair,
flirting with you through me. I smile, coy.
How does one explain kindred spirits -
especially in passing, with so few words?
Your picture in my wallet keeps you close,
my little purse clutched tight beneath my arm
so near my heart, as close as any has come.
It keeps you safe, warm and dear as one
who finds me worth the time to comprehend.
So in my daily gaze upon your face I thank
all powers that be that friendship found me
and accepts I can only be who I can be.
just a note: i have never explained my authorial intent on a piece before (i love the ambiguous translation by the reader to thier own needs) but feel it necessary to do so on this one. i want NO misunderstanding of my intent here. in this piece i have ATTEMPTED to IDEALIZE FRIENDSHIP and how most people can't understand pure and simple kindred spirits and the care of one friend for another. i have ATTEMPTED to exemplify how people always have to read more into FRIENDSHIP. (one of the types of love c.s. lewis speaks of). if i have failed miserably in my ATTEMPT to achieve this affect, i appologize to the reader AND to the FRIEND to which i have dedicated the piece.
yours,
~peach
on not being seen
It hurts that I say things
point blank but still
am not believed
as if
I would lie
as if
I know nothing
of my own nature
as if
I'm a stupid, inarticulate girl
with no god-given sense
as if
you are deaf and refuse
to accept me freely but force
me into a preconceived mold
mold
mold
mold
what is mold but rot?
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
the poet
in our temples alone
we worship love;
we evolve our hearts
more ideal than most
we refuse to settle
taking recompense in
solitude, alone we go
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
gone the way of fairy kings
Yes I can
feel it slipping
away.
And with it
the hard earned
sanity
for which I fight
tooth and nail.
I feel it like a
love's caress
gone the way
of fairy kings
into knights of
dreams unrealized.
I feel it like...I
feel it simply
slipping
a
w
a
y
.
Monday, June 19, 2006
the sun and the snow
there’s a place on a snowy beach
where the sun shone soft in the eve;
it was your heart breaking
the clouds and warming hers.
but let the sun shine on the morrow
on another beach of breezes cool
for she wants someone whole
for you to love, not torn asunder.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
high noon
High noon in Texas
surpassed the hottest hell
of purgatory's dreams:
heat enough even to tire
a woman of steel and
I had already been workin'
in the forge all morn
smithin' words when
a demon in high shiny helm
of a roman fool and brass balls
about as big as a pig
stepped into the street.
Sheeple scurried like rats away
to hide behind barrels and barnacles,
torn circus tents flappin'
in the hot dust I called a cool breeze.
Fucker was sweating an
unnatural stench and I couldn't
tell if his eyeballs were sweatin'
too or if he was gonna cry.
Looking at him almost hurt: wide
staring eyes, balls shining green.
He was a green demon couldn't
even stand the heat.
He had come for the wordsmith,
the Peach whose infamy
crossed four lands
He had come
for the demon slayer.
I let my hardened eyes rest
awhile back on my forge, then
tempered the flue. Dirt and
sweat and ink glistened on
arm, legs and back strong willed.
His name was Deafness, this demon
and he was about to be my bitch
and call me daddy...
Let them come, these demons
when they think me weak
for I will beat down each
and every goddamn one.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
scent of a man
there's a scent of a man
that wanders through the rooms
odd days and odd hours.
I breathe deep the ghost
of mankind, watch the desk drawer
ease open quiet while I
write and smile soft at the comfort.
you lift my heart
The light play of words
in a gentle flirt, your
asking of my well being
and our exchanges deep
concern and care; of our
conversations I never tire
but let you go knowing
the next tine will come
soon and you will lift my
heart again and again
my darling, dearest friend
in kindred spirit I've found.
soothing moans through window panes
Gray skies, the girl cardinals come
and music is left palpable on the tongue,
a vague taste I may soon only recall
like whispers of breathe along flesh.
Ah, the wind and trees bend and sway,
soothing moans through window panes.
Mourning, sarcasm, come weigh
my defection; in such demand of now
my god will I crumble beneath
the weight of more attentive loves and
lovers breaking down doors? Oh aye,
sarcasm as my shield but I did warn.
I mourn losses I lose though likely of
fruits I never would have bourn. Yet at
what gate do we give up dreams in
exchange for other tangible dreams?
At what point do I scream never more,
never more? Shut down the factory of
a heart’s desire? This mostly I mourn.
That little girl heart that outgrew her
turtling talent of turning cold, side-
stepping askew in exchange for fluidity.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
in tiny rivulets
I wring and wring
the thing; hot blood
streaming in tiny
rivulets beading,
burning my hands.
I wring till almost dry.
Strong arms shake
up down out, uncurling
smooth and one safety
pin at a time I hang
my heart to dry,
hot summer breeze
blowing. Billowing
in the wind, clean
scent of bleach stinging
and the sun warm
across my face, soft,
bright in my eyes.
hot tea and white corn tortillas
It used to be biscuits,
homemade. Not the fluffiest things
but drenched in butter.
It soothed my heart
to mix the dough and pound soft,
roll and cut and pinch
the tidbit sides left for
me to eat like a kid licking the
bowl of some sweet.
It has always been tea
hot with sugar, now raw cause
my stomach no longer
handles the white
stuff. Sickens at that and meat
and oils and I feel
old sometimes but
sooth my soul with hot tea
and white corn tortillas.
I wring and wring
the thing; hot blood
streaming in tiny
rivulets beading,
burning my hands.
I wring till almost dry.
Strong arms shake
up down out, uncurling
smooth and one safety
pin at a time I hang
my heart to dry,
hot summer breeze
blowing. Billowing
in the wind, clean
scent of bleach stinging
and the sun warm
across my face, soft,
bright in my eyes.
hot tea and white corn tortillas
It used to be biscuits,
homemade. Not the fluffiest things
but drenched in butter.
It soothed my heart
to mix the dough and pound soft,
roll and cut and pinch
the tidbit sides left for
me to eat like a kid licking the
bowl of some sweet.
It has always been tea
hot with sugar, now raw cause
my stomach no longer
handles the white
stuff. Sickens at that and meat
and oils and I feel
old sometimes but
sooth my soul with hot tea
and white corn tortillas.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Monday, June 12, 2006
i need coffee
I need coffee
and a cigarette
only I cut back
on caffeine
and don't smoke.
I need a beer
I'm craving beer
only I don't drink
never have really
but do increasingly so.
I need a fuck
a good rutting fuck
only I dont hook-up
or sleep around. did
briefly, went wild
in my lame hermitic
way, but now don't.
I'm just restless
and going nowhere
not soon. have to bide
my time and finish...
another two years?
Then I'll have
my beer, get fucked,
have coffee over eggs
in the morning
while he smokes.
Maybe by then I'll want
else, have moved on.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
the sky was not enough
there is
no stillness
no white space
no long pause
it was a dream a
beautiful dream
we had but one
of us awoke and
realized the sky
was not enough
to hold us much
deeper than
friendship's
fondness.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
saturday's seeds
I
in the window I catch
my reflection slim trim
skinny little curves big
ones. men look up down
catch my eye receive a
wink turn away move
on. always they are mov-
ing on. I catch my gaze
in the window strong
sure unneedy and smile.
II
even the happy words
would have come in tears
III
the ladies pass in their fashions
new. I look down at my old
work shoes. the insides they are
worn warm moist from heat
cracked from salt sweat molded
to me. outside weathered
from the yard the paint. handmade
leather they will last my life
long. as all the ladies pass in their
fashions I stand in my common
sense.
IV
I suck my bottom lip
but do not cry instead
eyes move to paper
hand grasps the pen.
V
Michael,
is it tears or sweat you wipe
from your nose and cheek?
Michael,
mr. natural with flowers in
your hair no shoes on your
feet, basket and book in hand.
Michael,
are you crying, were you in
the war, what have you seen?
Vi
can you see the moon, d?
asks I the useless friend.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
backlog again
though rare
soft
sounds
of whispered
ohhhhhs and
flesh on
flesh
fading
lost
save
the rhythm
in my
body
in my
heart
how can I live
without this;
though rare
is the occasion
of my indulgence,
how?
always it is strong
I own to no people but I
feel it deep, the land,
the great magnet as he shifts.
Tears of the people spring
from the endless well
sometimes seemingly from
the blue father sky (down).
These people, my blood
from father from mother;
their sadness is one, their
heart a collective soul, their
will the strength of nations
gone to war, of women left
behind, their spirit...
endeavors to persevere
always, always it is strong.
the short list
depression
melancholy
social ineptitude
death by cancer
four deaths by old age
marriage
hearing loss
depression
social ineptitude
death by my hand
depression
tiny bean didn't make it to zygote
I called her Skye Marie when I cried
depression
cheating
growth
divorce
social ineptitude
death by his hand, suicide
growth
deafness
depression
What order do I put these in?
chronological seem so cold.
I know where my daddy is, he's
up in the northwest. I know
where my brother is, he's gone
to the grave. Where is sister but
missing in America and in her
soul. Where is mother but gone
to her senility I pray not to catch.
And I am here in contemplation,
lost between strength and none,
writing the short list wondering
should I add bullets.
agape
even in the green grass of summer
while I bleed my heart away through
wrists slit with words and thoughts
sharpened on a jaded youth come
again to haunt my tears, even then
do I set myself aside and think of
you first and foremost...do ut des,
baby, I'm just a sad mess that way.
it's about me...now
Silence impending,
falling into sadness
flailing arms wide
as eyes, my attempt
to grasp a lifeline
failed.
You were
too busy thinking
to listen, wrapped
up in your push-
pull doubt. Even
honesty was lost
as tendons tore;
arms as well as
heart.
Words,
I gave you words.
Specificity fell on
deaf ears. (Yours
not mine.) applied
at will. I know who
I am. You didn't
believe.
(Black is
only red in the
shadows, sir, and
Friendship only
forms in trust and
deeds with me...
recipricocity.)
Thursday, June 08, 2006
in want to find me
Then again if I listen
loud, it will be done
I would have forced
the hand to spite god,
can close off from all,
falling into hermitic
silence, deafness, bliss,
hell, voice going mute.
I am lost with none
in want to find me.
in the womb
I'm scared...
terrified, I
leave the radio
mute, the phone
it frightens me.
What if it's
something I've
done, could have
prevented. what
if its my fault?
Do ut des...but
god walked away
from the girl one
bright day despite
so many prayers;
and flooding
comes old comrades
of doubt, fear,
need, loneliness. My
god how could you
send all my hard
earned efficacy
to sunder even if
brief. Why did you
forsake me even
in the womb?
Then the words
strike, the rhythm
as I find my heart,
whisper, "I am more
than this, much
more, so much," even
as tears fall 'cross
parched frail lips,
the eyes of a soul
in mourning life.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
beasts of logic
something in you
hopes, dreams. the
same in me circles,
stalks yours like
prey. we deny. so
much easier to
not care, not hurt.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
I rare recall
Sometime the world just heavy and
why it's weight I carry, can't say.
Been that way too long and life
it just compound the damn thing.
Been that way few lives back.
Mayhap it's just the burden of
old souls that still hadn't learned.
It's okay. I'll be okay, just some
heartache coming up from depths
I rare recall of late cause I been
so busy smiling you see. So busy
at my age, blushing and cooing.
Ain't no boom-ba-boom like base
but a slow deep hum like honey...
Monday, June 05, 2006
stillness aches
Little girl alone
in the crushing
of being bound,
moved through
days unfeeling,
endless hours
unending, age
coming on slow,
time passing in
phrases of, "my
god when will
it end." and there
was begging oh
yes there was
begging, pleading
and breaking
of a soul come
free to drift in
curious questing
like a babe she
sought - what?
Enlightenment?
Transcendence?
Calm sweetness,
understanding,
cherishment. She
found her need,
in stillness, aches
for it as the days
pass beloved in
a quick cool heat
of the heart in...
love.
but what am I?
I'm not much...
-No, you're everything
to me, everything I need.
Me, I'm not much, but oh
how I love to make you...
smile.
sweetness
I awoke middle of the night
sadly, unclothed and chilled.
Reaching for the white space
I curled in soft, secure; big
blue Royale whispering like
teddy bears are want to do,
"hush, baby he heart you."
Whispered I in reply across
ten thousand miles of sand,
Sweetness, to you the pace
deferred, my trust a gift hard
earned. Just know I dream
I dream.
And sleep came on sweetly
as I lay still, long pauses on
the brink of thought, tears
brought on by wide smiles,
soft caresses coming through
the wires on tips of tongues
and longings as yet unrequited.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Wayward son,
My resilience, perseverance to endeavor
runs deeper than your sadness
for I am the daughter of the earth
crying rivers over
the massacre of my soul.
I have known despair,
doubled over, the inability
to move from my fetal arch.
Against the bile in my stomach
your tears your fears
have no chance;
I will suck them from your heart
in a gentle kiss
and bring you home.
timeless
The deck is not so worn having
only been read once or twice.
Instead I spread the cards
warm in hands for me
on odd occasions.
They tell me my hopes
and dreams, in confirmation
and validation as in connectivity
I reside as one with the universe...
soft
sounds
of whispered
ohhhhhs and
flesh on
flesh
fading
lost
save
the rhythm
in my
body
in my
heart
how can I live
without this;
though rare
is the occasion
of my indulgence,
how?
always it is strong
I own to no people but I
feel it deep, the land,
the great magnet as he shifts.
Tears of the people spring
from the endless well
sometimes seemingly from
the blue father sky (down).
These people, my blood
from father from mother;
their sadness is one, their
heart a collective soul, their
will the strength of nations
gone to war, of women left
behind, their spirit...
endeavors to persevere
always, always it is strong.
the short list
depression
melancholy
social ineptitude
death by cancer
four deaths by old age
marriage
hearing loss
depression
social ineptitude
death by my hand
depression
tiny bean didn't make it to zygote
I called her Skye Marie when I cried
depression
cheating
growth
divorce
social ineptitude
death by his hand, suicide
growth
deafness
depression
What order do I put these in?
chronological seem so cold.
I know where my daddy is, he's
up in the northwest. I know
where my brother is, he's gone
to the grave. Where is sister but
missing in America and in her
soul. Where is mother but gone
to her senility I pray not to catch.
And I am here in contemplation,
lost between strength and none,
writing the short list wondering
should I add bullets.
agape
even in the green grass of summer
while I bleed my heart away through
wrists slit with words and thoughts
sharpened on a jaded youth come
again to haunt my tears, even then
do I set myself aside and think of
you first and foremost...do ut des,
baby, I'm just a sad mess that way.
it's about me...now
Silence impending,
falling into sadness
flailing arms wide
as eyes, my attempt
to grasp a lifeline
failed.
You were
too busy thinking
to listen, wrapped
up in your push-
pull doubt. Even
honesty was lost
as tendons tore;
arms as well as
heart.
Words,
I gave you words.
Specificity fell on
deaf ears. (Yours
not mine.) applied
at will. I know who
I am. You didn't
believe.
(Black is
only red in the
shadows, sir, and
Friendship only
forms in trust and
deeds with me...
recipricocity.)
Thursday, June 08, 2006
in want to find me
Then again if I listen
loud, it will be done
I would have forced
the hand to spite god,
can close off from all,
falling into hermitic
silence, deafness, bliss,
hell, voice going mute.
I am lost with none
in want to find me.
in the womb
I'm scared...
terrified, I
leave the radio
mute, the phone
it frightens me.
What if it's
something I've
done, could have
prevented. what
if its my fault?
Do ut des...but
god walked away
from the girl one
bright day despite
so many prayers;
and flooding
comes old comrades
of doubt, fear,
need, loneliness. My
god how could you
send all my hard
earned efficacy
to sunder even if
brief. Why did you
forsake me even
in the womb?
Then the words
strike, the rhythm
as I find my heart,
whisper, "I am more
than this, much
more, so much," even
as tears fall 'cross
parched frail lips,
the eyes of a soul
in mourning life.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
beasts of logic
something in you
hopes, dreams. the
same in me circles,
stalks yours like
prey. we deny. so
much easier to
not care, not hurt.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
I rare recall
Sometime the world just heavy and
why it's weight I carry, can't say.
Been that way too long and life
it just compound the damn thing.
Been that way few lives back.
Mayhap it's just the burden of
old souls that still hadn't learned.
It's okay. I'll be okay, just some
heartache coming up from depths
I rare recall of late cause I been
so busy smiling you see. So busy
at my age, blushing and cooing.
Ain't no boom-ba-boom like base
but a slow deep hum like honey...
Monday, June 05, 2006
stillness aches
Little girl alone
in the crushing
of being bound,
moved through
days unfeeling,
endless hours
unending, age
coming on slow,
time passing in
phrases of, "my
god when will
it end." and there
was begging oh
yes there was
begging, pleading
and breaking
of a soul come
free to drift in
curious questing
like a babe she
sought - what?
Enlightenment?
Transcendence?
Calm sweetness,
understanding,
cherishment. She
found her need,
in stillness, aches
for it as the days
pass beloved in
a quick cool heat
of the heart in...
love.
but what am I?
I'm not much...
-No, you're everything
to me, everything I need.
Me, I'm not much, but oh
how I love to make you...
smile.
sweetness
I awoke middle of the night
sadly, unclothed and chilled.
Reaching for the white space
I curled in soft, secure; big
blue Royale whispering like
teddy bears are want to do,
"hush, baby he heart you."
Whispered I in reply across
ten thousand miles of sand,
Sweetness, to you the pace
deferred, my trust a gift hard
earned. Just know I dream
I dream.
And sleep came on sweetly
as I lay still, long pauses on
the brink of thought, tears
brought on by wide smiles,
soft caresses coming through
the wires on tips of tongues
and longings as yet unrequited.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Wayward son,
My resilience, perseverance to endeavor
runs deeper than your sadness
for I am the daughter of the earth
crying rivers over
the massacre of my soul.
I have known despair,
doubled over, the inability
to move from my fetal arch.
Against the bile in my stomach
your tears your fears
have no chance;
I will suck them from your heart
in a gentle kiss
and bring you home.
timeless
The deck is not so worn having
only been read once or twice.
Instead I spread the cards
warm in hands for me
on odd occasions.
They tell me my hopes
and dreams, in confirmation
and validation as in connectivity
I reside as one with the universe...