they are so hard to see

I always seem to be approaching things

working on obtaining or they

hover in the distance 

sitting in a basket

pending, waiting 

on others to follow through 

to eventually be deleted 

on the ticking of time

cold days and colder nights

the pavement extended until it didn’t 

in the near distance it halted at a deep chasm

unbeknownst, Life pushed me forward…anyway 

but here I’ve arrived and here I teeter

on the precipice of Effort and Why Bother

I was never good at celebrating Me

thing 1 thing 2 ring a ding a thing thing thing

things that depress, things that oppress

the body, the spirit

external things beyond control; 

things major, things minor

there is always some thing

but here’s the Thing…

a thing already cracked

can rarely break; more

crackling only lets more light in

time and time again

Eleven hours of sleeping and waking because I decided not to take an antihistamine to help me sleep. I wake to sinus pressure, congestion and coughing, face ready to explode. 

I can’t smell much, but what does get through is the acerbic stench of mold. I’m allergic to dust, pollen and…mold. 

Next week, the university goes on winter break.

Next week the students upstairs leave for break, supposedly, again.

Next week, they should begin repairing leaks upstair, again. 

After Next week they should assess the mold

in the bedroom where I sleep, 

in the bathroom where I bathe, again.

It’s been eight months of next weeks, and each week I’m hopeful, again. 

Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me time and time again. 

breathing

      inhale, focus on stillness 

on the verge of tears but not

a dull pain of pressure throbs

      exhale, release darkness

warm, the little body heavy against me

keeps my spirit from caving

      inhale, manifest lightness

duality or the struggle of a Capricorn reformed

I am my age

but not

I have immense energy

but don’t 

There’s room in my life for love

but there really isn’t 

I’m too smart for my own good,

but kinda dumb on occasion 

And if it confuses some people?

Well, it confuses me more.