Laura

She was barely 50 when she passed to ether, my older sister who is younger than I. She was the pretty one, the troubled one, too wild for taming or the grind of 9 to 5. 

Happy Birthday, sister…

shedding a life

When Robert passed, I was left shattered. I knew it while I was going through it. I spent at least a year crying when no one was watching, grasping stolen moments trying to feel…something, emoting broken lines in poetic verse only to myself. 

Over 21 years later, I’m still unsure all the pieces were collected, that I was fully formed anew. In journals, I am finding cracks and crevices, not where the light got in, but where the shadows leaked out, I tear page after page, a burst in stops and starts, attempts toward understanding and an infinite lack of conclusions.

It’s a wonder I still wonder after all I’ve gone through and felt, but with the discarding of material things comes the discarding of that shattered girl, who I was and when I was, the discarding of myriad lingerings on hopes and fears.

In discarding things and words, I feel a creeping melancholy for a life unrealized yet an unburdening of weight on my spirit too long nourished as something that should be. 

In discarding things and words, I am shedding a life and tuning toward another. 

these eight years

who knew

my old house creaks

settles, little sounds

hard to hear;

lately I've noticed

that and the humming

of the a/c compressor

of the refrigerator

who knew

when all I loved

was the shuffling

of my heart on

hardwoods, the

click-clack of too

long nails needing

to be trimmed and

the near barks

when fuzzy things invaded

Their yard

these eight years

they had a house

a house that creaks and hums

who knew

then there was none

to ether gone are  

the shuffling of tiny feet 

on wood and tile

the sharp bark

when cats invade the yard

the soft cuddles 

left am I with

a quiet house

a clean house

an empty house

a heart too sore to mend 

“Wherever you go, there you are…” BB in the 8th

I can’t regret

the hours, the years

spent (I am)

they got me here

where (?)

the weight of…things

I am shedding

and age is arbitrary 

breathing deep

I can feel

knots in my neck

untangle 

and the thrumming 

in my temple

abate

breathing deep into a long

emphatic

oooooooooihhhhhmmmmm

breathing  deep into

a beginning 

again