thursday

 When you walk into the bathroom, open a cabinet and stare for a length of time, look over and your dog is watching, judging you from the doorway but backs away slowly when you holler, "I KNOW WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR!" But you don't, you don't know what you're looking for, not until more time passes.

and you know shit gets real when the introvert goes quite still

 past the point

of hysterical interlude

she

looksabout

at the world gone wrong

on silver tongues 

in the mouth of madness

decay

rot

strangely unstressed

"And the colored girls go
Do-do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do, do..." ~ Lou Reed, Walk on the Wild Side

spinning wheels or what the fuck am I doing here

most days I wake up

            and I do the things

many things

a long list…

            of things

 

I get a lot done

unsure what I accomplish

 

today I woke up though

            and I did the things

"We're on a road to nowhere...come on inside..." Talking Heads, Road to Nowhere

Wonder Woman wasn't 50 with 2 jobs and school

Watching the ladies clean I realize I've not cleaned like that since my early 30s when I was married and worked one job taking care of myself and my husband. I kinda miss knowing every nook and cranny of my home, doing things that gave my brain a rest. I meant to have my doctorate by 50, but got thrown off by leadership trainings. I meant to move back into teaching but I bought a house and teaching wouldn't pay my mortgage. I meant to write, but work fills my belly and buys my books and pays my tuition. Someday, when I retire, I'll only work one job. Someday I may clean my own house again

Exhaustion

I search
For the conclusion to the thought
I am

Lost
Depressed
Anxious

Treading water against a current
Of so little pause,
The flotsam and jetsam
A cacophony stilled

Only by the naps and sleeps
Of days spent

I am
Spent

I search
For the conclusion to the thought