De-feat is not a river in Egypt

When the wind blows
she bends and sways
and with the rough waters
changes course
day by day

but this way and that
she dances round,
dizzy and frizzy
until the roughest of winds
blow her down

sink or swim baby
though you never
were taught

you'd think she'd drown
let her life be for ought.

let me go crazy

Oh baby I know
we prob'ly ain't
ever gonna be goin
anywhere

but just the thought
of sittin still
oh I

I just wanna be
cra-zy
about you

just let me be
cra-zy

I wanna be
cra-zy

won't you let me be
cra-zy

about you.

shell

she rarely spoke aloud
but when she did

Be quiet!

rarely showed her excitement

Calm down!

was rarely demonstrative

Go
just
do something!

she learned to hide
learned to read
did not learn to socialize
and dreamt
so many things

her passion
her zeal
her awe
and joy

faded
she learned to watch
to think
to prod, to poke

to break
any goodness
undeserved

but really, wasn't it all?

shell

she rarely spoke aloud
but when she did

Be quiet!

rarely showed her excitement

Calm down!

was rarely demonstrative

Go
just
do something!

she learned to hide
learned to read
did not learn to socialize
and dreamt
so many things

her passion
her zeal
her awe
and joy

faded

there's a sadness and joy to nonconformity

November 7, 2008 - Friday


she listens

She
never thought twice
about living in the now
she knew the odds up front
so she could love with abandon
deep and pure
knowing
it would end in time.

But faced with forever
she falters
heart guarded
the potential for hurt so great

she thinks…
'that boy's gonna break my heart'

but her hearts say…

"just let yourself go girl
just let yourself go"

and late one Friday night
she listens.



control

Mind
Body
Spirit
Heart
Soul
Libido

shards of a burst
suspended mid air
bright a shimmer
slightly shaking
in their ninja stance

await they to re-form

but for the moment
they watch ready
to strike, watch

me skid on concrete
arms and palms
outstretched
knees bloody
as my Will attempts
to control

when they are too ready

for the falling
for you.



October 30, 2008 - Thursday


Grace; or the internalization of God

I didn't think
long and hard

though I had studied
religion and church
for so long and even after

but the internalization of God
(the Christian God perhaps
but many aspects of others)
came easy when time was right.

I had long felt
we had labeled something
personified
that piece of self
we could no longer rationalize

we had cut Grace
from our soul
like a limb
from our body

when we swallowed
evil whole
embraced that which
kills and maims and harms

there simply was no room

Grace was spat out
on the street
cherry flavored chew
or wintergreen

but I picked her up one day
brushed her off
bathed her in rose and verbena
gave her a home.

I would rather there No god
out and about in the world
if Grace could but grow
in the heart.




seventeen

she
hasn't been this insecure
since she
was seventeen

and met a boy
skateboard in hand
shirt worn like a turban
drove that
monster old truck
worked
at the carwash
not quite nineteen

her first husband

no
she hasn't been this insecure
since she was seventeen


October 27, 2008 - Monday


lyric - guitar softly

he said

you're a darlin'


he meant

I won't be staying



and then the joy of the night it fell completely
cause she'd heard that line just too many goddamn times.

and all the nights
he filled with wonder

became
another mem'ry

so when anyone one
calls her sweetheart

she thinks
yeah here it comes

cause when he says you're a darlin'
does he mean he won't be stayin' the night

and sure as hell not forever?




and all the nights
he fills with wonder

and all the nights
he fills with wonder

and all the nights
he filled

with wonder

and my heart, my soul is restless

October 20, 2008 - Monday



in fevered dreams i spoke


the daughter I never had

but named before she took

stood in the door, twilight lit,

hand on the jam

as if pausing



the daughter I never had

looked at me intent

expectant, anticipatory;

over my shoulder

toward the girl, hair long,

loose, tied back in bow,



the daughter I never had,

"go to sleep honey,

maybe we can try again

soon…" soon.

in fevered dreams I spoke to



the daughter I prayed for



once but never had.



October 8, 2008 - Wednesday


papilion


La belle dame

sans merci,



Je vous vois

choisir

dans la danse d'air

compagnons

attente ailleurs



morphed du

cocon

dans la beauté

combien de temps

vous seul durerez?




October 3, 2008 - Friday


but sweet that hot day


Curious, toe to water

cold, cold

but sweet that hot day

September

when we sought the river



I recall

the ease

with which we relate

always

thinking the best of another.



Day of little words


today

I am happy

in a soft glow



of truth to self



and joy



for friends

who take me as I am.



September 28, 2008 - Sunday


and into the sun


In a search for self

I broke

me



and broke away

from prevalent social ideologies,



detaching from the world

and yet more aware of it;



in breaking

and breaking



I stepped outside



id and ego



and into the sun.




lyric unnumbered


thinking about

yesterdays



I have had these thoughts before



don't say

goodbye



don't say

goodbye



just fade away



don't say

goodbye



just fade away



leave me

in the dark



where the nights were too sweet




September 23, 2008 - Tuesday


I, Honoria


You,

women,

slivers of my heart



strong

I so admire

and honor

meekly



you are a mirror

reminding me



I am you,

we are,

we are.




I, Gloriana


The killing spree

is not over;

the second in line,

mother, on the morrow beacons



any day

any day, now



and I will do it

not for you, for me



because I have the strength

and a world

of love, now

to see me through it.



I will survive you,

have survived you.