Steve has left us. He took his life. Left while I've been low and feeling rotten. Left before we had dinner like we were gonna or sang kareoke. Stupid fucker. I just looked up and there you are. Still on my IM list, still under StevieRay like you hate being called and I called you that anyway. Would dinner have saved you?
Perception is everything. Some of us are captives to our own minds, our hearts.
What could be more tortuous for the martyr who would take pain unto themselves, but to consciously hurt another or watch another suffer. It is selfishness the drives us to take it on. We don't want to see you hurt. We give selfishly.
To consciously hurt took great strength to save myself and it like other things, are killing me sweetly.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Sorrow draws its’ deepest breath from
All the others always leaving.
And in my dying days up unto the evening
Of my demise the quiet swelling of soul deep
Sorrowful moods came upon me in the waking hours.
And in slumber I did reside in stillness of shadows
In their ebb and flow, pulsing of shades of gray
Of depths yet unfathomed. I need. I need.
And it aches too deep, yet deeply thus I dreamed.
All the others always leaving.
And in my dying days up unto the evening
Of my demise the quiet swelling of soul deep
Sorrowful moods came upon me in the waking hours.
And in slumber I did reside in stillness of shadows
In their ebb and flow, pulsing of shades of gray
Of depths yet unfathomed. I need. I need.
And it aches too deep, yet deeply thus I dreamed.
Sunday, July 04, 2004
On the twenty-sixth I wrote moresly:
In the white space
I reside
Staring dimly past
Hearts divide.
And anger would imply
I care much more than I do.
God is paltry in his indecision
And my breast is sore, full, heavy.
I carry my weight oddly
But it is my weight to carry.
Maybe I have tried to breath
Underwater streaming
Too long.
In the white space
I reside
Staring dimly past
Hearts divide.
And anger would imply
I care much more than I do.
God is paltry in his indecision
And my breast is sore, full, heavy.
I carry my weight oddly
But it is my weight to carry.
Maybe I have tried to breath
Underwater streaming
Too long.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Breaking my own trust and soul
I've always mourned with touching
And it’s no longer there.
Nothing. No one. Alone in solitude of mind gone wrong.
And in that instant I became
The turning of the keyless flame.
Smoke, ashes and the ember dying
We are all dying.
And time panics in lilac blues amiss
The mist amidst coal black and near
Sometimes the words just come to me. No thought, no meaning, just a stringed attempt to articulate at a given point in time.
I've always mourned with touching
And it’s no longer there.
Nothing. No one. Alone in solitude of mind gone wrong.
And in that instant I became
The turning of the keyless flame.
Smoke, ashes and the ember dying
We are all dying.
And time panics in lilac blues amiss
The mist amidst coal black and near
Sometimes the words just come to me. No thought, no meaning, just a stringed attempt to articulate at a given point in time.