December 27, 2007 - Thursday
if
if you'd never have died
I'd never have…
divorced
taken a lover;
known the depths at which mercury
ignites
written a single poetic utterance
because
there never would have been
a reason
to break
or
to heal
December 24, 2007 - Monday
the weight of a man
sometimes her lover comes to her
in silence
reaching slow soft
a cold hand across cool linen
toward the too warm flesh
of her thigh
of her buttock
she has been sleeping
between his message
and his arrival
responds with her face
to the pillow
back arching
cooing as she turns into him
he's devouring her
mouth her
flesh her heart
and no matter how they love
to suck and tease
go down
she's wet slow enveloped
crushed
beneath his weight
as he's suddenly in her deep
with hope
it was Christmas
and she
was anywhere between seven and ten
the world
was a heavy weight back then
the floor of the garage was cold
but she was skilled at
Don't Touch the Floor
bottom step
and a leap to the dryer
landing heavy on elbows
and gut
nearly knocking her teeth out
and the next breathe
coming slow
the washer
the ladder
the dark attic
bare bulb
and the fear of spiders
yards of pink asbestos
and a thin plywood
path to creep along.
she was determined
didn't understand
the world would always win
Christmas and holidays
faded when she
the third child came along
and no one really mentioned it
the tree
that year
but that girl
looked upon it
brightly
with hope
December 23, 2007 - Sunday
a thing larger than you
sometimes
a thing is larger than you
your intent
your desire
your control
it is a thing of madness
and flesh between teeth
and it will have its way
and you will live
with a pained heart
to have it.
December 20, 2007 - Thursday
brightly
her thoughts flitter in
and of the sun
brightly
December 17, 2007 - Monday
obliesque
Thought I saw you in the crowd.
You were
heavier
happier,
cheering me on.
But it wasn't you.
I thought for sure you would have
messaged;
we had been talking so often of late.
then I realized the last few weeks
you weren't there.
Twenty years and it took me
sixteen to actualize
that you weren't there
and now I never notice.
It's only natural
that you didn't message
though,
because
neither did he.
December 14, 2007 - Friday
mes amis, mon coeur
lend my sorrow to the pen
for joy
entrust I, heartfelt, to friends.
December 12, 2007 - Wednesday
come too soon
and the music filled her mind
as if it were years before
her hearing started slipping
and she wept
the entirety of the song
then put the thing away
afraid she would lose it all
too soon
some things come too soon
time saw me to where I am and will see me further
I rarely speak of some things
they were overcome long ago
and have become my story –
a liturgy of past emotions that
no longer can be recalled;
I was an at risk youth, but
as my father's father said
"you know where
you can find sympathy?
in the dictionary
between shit and syphilis"
I am also perseverant
so a fifth year in high school,
(diploma, not GED)
sixteen years married
four divorced
seventeen off and on in college
twenty-two earning a wage
busting my ass for the man and bills;
time saw me to where I am
and will see me further.
December 9, 2007 - Sunday
in this limbo
pressing hard
shoulder to door
she lifts the drill
most screws come away
easy
some not at all.
but there's the hammer
daddy bought
last time he came home
and the chisel;
he shopped for her
got her ready –
painted ceilings, set tile
– ready to sell that life.
but this is another
not quite home
but good – for now.
she pulls the pins
wonders how
stripped screws
will come loose later –
she'll wonder later.
the doors
they lift away easy
to her surprise
so heavy –
everything is heavy here
– walks them out.
looks at the walls
floor, ceiling
cracks
everything that will keep
her busy
in this limbo.
December 7, 2007 - Friday
of the sun in half light
there comes
a time
of day
when she draws
the shades
tight
warmed
by the glow
of the sun in half light
she dreams
of the weight
of a man
pinning her
down
sets a picture – left
video – right
and moans
even when she comes
alone
December 6, 2007 - Thursday
on leaving a lover
on the last count
of a deep exhalation
when the exhalation
can go no further
you pause
far too long
next breathe in
and on the out
come the tears
you let go.
December 4, 2007 - Tuesday
clarification of non-rhetorical questions posed to a friend
I want to know how you're doing
and wonder...
how mercury fares of late?
and want to ask if you are living
without passion
and if so...how could you?
(in almost accusatory haste
and nose turned up, distaste
but more in abject observance
I entreat sincere.)
it seems
to be your very nature,
much as it is mine…
December 2, 2007 - Sunday
without love
time
I became
what you thought me –
harden my heart
shore my body;
keep
my sites on school
energies
the magazine
the kiddies who
can't spell
and writing
and editing
home repair
my life is so full
as is
yours –
useless : wasted
without love.
December 1, 2007 - Saturday
December of my heart
breathing deep
sweet damp;
cloying incense I bought
because it's called Rain
and smells like clean
laundry and
wood smoke
the day is gray and deep
flora greens
and browns, fauna
as they burrow, dig
My Lady Cardinal
braving for seed
along the creek bed I gaze
yellow speckled
haze
cheeks flushed
of fever
of up too late
and sleeping
too long and restless
writing, murmurs
but it is December
of my heart
sore and seeking
forgiveness for loving
where I do.
November 28, 2007 - Wednesday
celtic lear
oh take me back
when our love
in the night
came through to morning
and we lay
limb and limb
stretched 'cross the sea
oh my love
I truly know
what dreams are made of
and I want
them for you
though sweetly tear they
my heart from head
yes I know
what dreams are made of
for I once hoped
they were made of
you and me.
came the way on a breeze once
girl from Texas
came the way
on a breeze once
steel-bore not hollow
and she asked a man
for a lift, said
"hey man, got dollar?"
gave him twenty
then set to walkin'
mind a wonderin'
November 27, 2007 - Tuesday
snow fell
snow fell
by the wayside
in the gutters
off the highway
on treetops
up the mountains
and I in a haze
for days, existing
forgetting
Dad's emphysema
my anaphylaxis;
the calm
of the slowing
of the breathing
of the beating
of the heart
chill winds
and my lover
leaving soon.
November 23, 2007 - Friday
she’s a leaver
she's a leaver
no, not again
fought too long
in solitaire
she came strong
will never fight
for you to stay…
mind off in circles
she'll confound
when she bothers
to come round.
it's just her heart
it has a wall
ten or twenty
fourscore feet tall
she's just a giver
wants the same
makes her a leaver
November 21, 2007 - Wednesday
untitled
sometimes
a girl just...
November 18, 2007 - Sunday
where moths dream of dying
Someone told me today
that moths are drawn past the flame
toward the absence of light.
I only know that I am cold.
November 17, 2007 - Saturday
another little ditty
all of life should be
a tease...and days
lived in passion felt
if not actualized.
November 14, 2007 - Wednesday
not that i’m a daddy’s girl - repost
Saturday, May 26, 2007
not that i'm a daddy's girl
Remembering my first car
a '78 Audi Fox, standard;
that was before 5 gears
and before power steering;
the timing began to slip
early on and my Daddy
showed me how to set it.
I miss my Daddy,
trailing behind him Saturdays
like a pup in need of petting.
He taught me my independence
I got them through his genes.
Not that I'm a daddy's girl
but I am my father's daughter –
strong or at least perseverant.
November 11, 2007 - Sunday
and i having let him
we lay a tangle in the night breeze
my lover and I,
ear pressed close to his heart
and he spoke soft
of news, big news
in six months he would go
a different city, different state
he was restless, had been.
are you crying, he asked me.
yes
oh, he says, having finished
his cigarette and pulling me close
I want you to go
but I will miss you.
this time, I did not ask him to stay
never had he asked me to go
he doesn't know what he wants
he loves me, but…
this man, the one
who broke my heart with bliss
for hours, months
and I having let him.
be your bliss
sometimes we look for a thing
to force an issue undisclosed.
I had one once, he was bliss
and I knew I could not keep him.
tonight I wear my boots
must be fifteen years old by now.
but they remind me I can stomp
on things before they stomp on me.
that I have the grace not to
and the compassion in my heart
to lean close and listen, be your bliss
and turn away soft when you go.
November 8, 2007 - Thursday
lend you solace surely
sing to me your song
bring to me your need
smooth your brow will I
lend you solace surely
for all my life is fluid
and blessed, be it brief
or long with your sighs.
November 6, 2007 - Tuesday
for me it was summer
for me it was summer, June
and I had recently resigned myself
to a life in a two-ringed prison
I thought I could step outside
my head and then carry on.
but it was the heat of summer
the death of my brother
had brought things to light.
and my own desire as much
as the attraction was more
than I could sanely bear.
at what point is fidelity breached?
intercourse, touch, nudity, a kiss
conversation, conscious thought.
I cannot say for you, but
for me it was summer, June…
and I had recently resigned myself
to a life in a two-ringed prison
November 3, 2007 - Saturday
days of other seasons brief
Along the way
home I saw not
a slow fade
into sepia…
but tops of trees
in sienna's bleed
and sprigs
of gold canaried
leaves along
the path…
Texas, my Texas,
I do revel
in your passion's
deep heat, summer
yet on occasion
you do thrill me
with days
of other seasons brief
of (spring) and fall
but of a pleasure
recalled fondly
on the morrow
of winter's cold damp.
October 30, 2007 - Tuesday
some less than four
it's a strange thing – the
mathematics of attraction;
my intellect rarely piqued
libido less so than more
when I say lovers I wish
one a week one a month,
one a year is nice
but plural can be two
and some less than four,
still, they were lovers,
men I adore(d).
October 29, 2007 - Monday
brightly burning
One day I was fifteen
and the next, middlin thirties
goin' on forty
with a whole lot forgot;
some years draw blanks
the good ones so far
and few between
shadowed in your anger.
Others I can still taste
and smell and touch, cold
those were the hard years,
the scarred ones.
My husband I will call
no other, seeking lovers
brightly burning
stay they brief or stay
they long, they bleed me
days, never forgot for
I am whole again if ever
I was, but I am whole
neither shadowed
nor withholding.
October 26, 2007 - Friday
beneath flesh
sell my soul
for a dollar
though I know
it's just to get by
eat and pay bills
and these trappings
surrounding
suddenly fetter
freedom…
I want to live
in the mouth of madness
swallowed whole
and swim through
your eyes deeply
just wanna walk
barefoot through the fields
and mud and stuff
and lay
beneath flesh
cool yet warmed
I know this life will kill me
but I will treat it
like whore.
October 25, 2007 - Thursday
crazy come along
she walks a little to the left
sometimes making
lemon squares
half confused
half the time
but makes do
all that she wants
she wants
in crescendo
ooooooh
crazy (all night) lover
come along
give her hours of madness
to dream about
