Saturday, August 19, 2006
just a man, not a god
I want to live in the mouth
of madness swimming
in visions of sky blue eyes
and laughter lit on literature
and pixie dust. I want that.
I want to sooth away old
sorcerer's spells from the brow
of Bacchus - self proclaimed -
that born again he is realized
as Ra, of whom I see and yet
of Bacchus do I smile sweet,
just a man, not a god.
I watch the men -
I watch the men - I want one -
like candy in the machine
that took my money.
It takes me so long
to pick something out.
So mouth watering
I press my shoulder into it.
SLAM SLAM SLAM!
I give it my best hockey block then
one last open handed SMACK,
loud, echoing down the hall.
I sigh, lean into it and walk away.
sunrise
I watched the sun come up
after days of rising, dressing
in an autonomic state
reaching inside my blouse
searching, yes okay, bra,
okay, remembered that.
Where is my mind but on you
and those late evenings
of wine and talking close
those mornings waking
to your feet in my bed,
your arches and ankles soft
my recent admittance that
in hindsight I think I fell.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
I tried but he
I wanted to
fall for you
I tried but
he made away
unbeknownst,
with my heart
like gum
on the bottom
of his shoe.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
mac and cheese
when you're a vegetarian
a box of macaroni and cheese
is a single serving, not four.
Friday, August 11, 2006
hot white light
I lost my heart, given
in the sun once blindly
while unabashed, coming
undone, becoming
unconditional, free
flowing with the burn;
buried in hot
concrete, immersed fully
of a hot white light
that was he, catalyst
toward setting me free.
He was a gentle peace
found finally within and
the choice to never
love like this again yet
always burn bright.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
yesterday...a poem
yesterday
we were
young
too young yet
growth
takes many
forms
and we did
grow.
(yesterday would have been...19 years with the same man. he left a beautiful - albeit anonymous - note on my blogger.)
Monday, August 07, 2006
vie
je comprend
un petite peux
mais je suis
indefatigable.
limbo
I wasnt really
this for him
(that for you);
you know its
the taking so long
the hangin on
that hurts me.
Come to me
or let me go.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
as it should be
new ears
new eyes, new place
is there money enough?
getting that credit good
nine hours this semester
am I smart enough?
or rather motivated...
enough
low on food budget
cause of the new ink
I like it
love it
it feels feverish
flushed, healing my chi.
still not wanting to date
or hookup
or flirt (though
I like flirting
with the boys I got.
the ones don't hit on me
and I think of d. now and
again then smile.)
summer cold?
or is it the tat?
sleepy, snotty and
all is right with the world
feels as it should be.
at home in the ocean
I was just remembering Vieques,
mimis along the tree line.
That endless beach with little shore
strewn with starfish. Wanting
to toss them back so they wouldn't die
knowing I couldn't. That's just nature.
How I squealed at the sea cucumber.
The ocean, warm meeting sky
in the distance, seemingly one
so blue my heart stopped
in the breeze as I turned, face toward it
like fingers caressing my cheak.
There is something about Texas
this summer that is almost coastal
reminding me of Vieques,
of Belize. Remember the last few days
on that cay? Where were so young
so broke. Most meals were black beans
tortillas and a dollar�' worth of coffee
in a large thermos. I remember.
I remember little strife between us.
Little, but there, always there.
I've been thinking of grad school
out in cali and of the Universidad
in Puerto Rico. Just thinking
and remembering the beaches,
the good times there and my chi
at peace, at home in the ocean.
