It took me years to raise myself from scratch, even longer to learn to articulate. I don’t know that I’m quite done with either, but I did it. I did it. M- says I keep a distance and yet he also says I fall too easy. It’s my perception of things, managing my emotions, that creates a distance. It’s my innate need to care for people, for someone that keeps me falling. I am afraid of losing myself when it took so long to find me, but I’m even more afraid never to care, never to love. J- says breath, just stop and breath. But I've been thinking of God and Robert and Death lately and my chest feels constricted. Last night the thoughts finally brought a smile and I realized B- was a part of that smile. Gentility and grace have not come easy but were hard earned and often waiver.

When I was a child
I cried
Deeply into the night
Your face
Came to me
Sweet and softly
Your voice wooed me.
On a pale horse you came.