This morning.
Goddamn the coffee smells good. Puppies are playing outside making growly snarly play sounds. Rough and tough, their tails wag happy. My breasts are full sore tight and no one will see or notice. I love my secrets they are simple. Today I need to paint and rewrite my resume and crunch some numbers for work. I promise myself...next weekend I'll wallow naked in the sheets for hours trying to articulate all my writing, trying to form the next sentence for each story. And I'll write those songs.

Last night.
I am free and falling, arms wide into the abyss in which I leapt eyes wide. And the wind rushes past while all the world's asleep. Wonder, glory. I close my eyes and breathe deep and deeper still. My heart beats fast, betrayed by the cards with someday and probabilities and my womb is restless in wait, heavy with my heart’s understanding of the fragility of life and the knowing that all too soon it can pass in the blink of an eye. I am perseverance as I always have been and always will be. I hold within me the strength of unimaginable depths. I am me, just me and nothing else. Always, I think of you and smile.

Yesterday morning.
Renewal. I never mind the beginning of a cycle. I am tired, but my breasts are fuller, tender and my body reminds me – someday my womb will stretch and my breasts will grow heavy with milk. A dark little line will form from pubic to navel. I will conceive beautifully, softly. I will weep from it. Someday. No not soon. And the tarot betrays me, tells things. That the best I can do right now is stand still and breath deeply. She tells me I am strong like no other and that ground zero will form into probabilities not possibilities or denial of hope. She twists the knife with her insight and I weep, confusion overwhelms me.