deep breaths and challenges coyly
deciding the day - deciding a life
wondering when I started feeling
the marrow in my bones prickling;
a cacophony of strange days unfolding
between nights of sleep undelivered
no lingering wisp on dry lips parched
when waking to a half-fevered body
to a heart…cool to the touch
somewhere somehow, I stopped
dreaming of some things
like fireworks and a tongue tripping
fawn eyes gazing, sweetness freely given
(much like any desire for children)
a mind and heart open to it
a refusal to go looking
somewhere somehow, I let go
of the things I could not control
somewhere somehow sometimes I wonder…
she was sitting at the bar
gazing in the mirror
watching
as the world went by
in a stop motion minute
at lightning speed
I keep things
so close to the chest, clutching pearls
of stuff and blunder, that
in the divulging it surprises others
sometimes in wonder
oftentimes in disbelief
the latter causing a clutching tighter
of my accolades and
experiences to my own self alone
recalling in a sweetness bitter
I no longer fight for space
not given freely
I
a nor’ easterly door
ain’t shouldn’ta been black?
telling me what to do don’t sit too well
II
it’s difficult being a
non-alpha Capricorn
with a heart tinged
a little dark, beating slow
I never learned to put me first
I wasn’t taught, in fact,
I wasn’t taught much
outside the classroom
where I sponged to overflow
too late in life; as a youngling
reared on the bright and shiny
of flickering tubes and the smell?
of paper turned sepia