She watches listens
movements sounds
out the window cracked
slightly open; sadly
comfort and constant
adoration housed
on a leash fed twice daily
I cannot give something
other different wildly
running in a pack; sadly
I watch as She sighs
curling into my side to sleep
to enjoy time at home
time alone
to prefer gatherings
of close friends
to prefer loud spaces
in moderation
the guilt of societal pressure to be
something someone other than yourself
the guilt of Mother…
the acceptance of a thing
is not an active search for it;
her gaze keeps me tethered
through a soul-dark moment of
labored breaths rattling in a
chest in a half-lit room
it’s hot; too hot and yet
the cold of winter crept
into my bones and settled
muscles bones sinew tight;
the older I get
the more I have to move
the less I want to
why are my legs so cold
when the heat suffocates?
left to myself I
worked too fast
connecting dots completing puzzles
logic patterns and finding
things out of place
but thought - think - too slow
when expressing verbally
I need time to pull
the right words in the right order
from the spatial cacophony hovering
my own thinks just out of reach
I have no spouse no
children few
friends limited
family;
slowly I erase public
traces of existence